OUTSIDE THEIR REALM

British Defense Ministry Refers Theft By ‘UFO’ To Local Police

By Kyra Senese

NEWLY-DECLASSIFIED FILES FROM Britain’s Ministry of Defense reveal why the military shut down its UFO desk: the office was too expensive to maintain with no obvious benefit to the country’s defense.

Still, the 50-plus year effort was not all for naught: amusing anecdotes have been culled from the 4,400 pages of documents released over the last five years.

UPDATES ON THE NSA SCANDAL

Kin Cheung/AP

As Edward Snowden Is Hunted, Wikileaks Founder Praises His ‘Service To Humanity’

By Elizabeth Coady

WIKILEAKS FOUNDER JULIAN ASSANGE RELEASED A STATEMENT TODAY calling on the world’s people to “Step forward and stand with Snowden” a day after charges were announced against the NSA whistleblower.

“The US government is spying on each and every one of us, but it is Edward Snowden who is charged with espionage for tipping us off,” Assange said in an impassioned letter to the public praising Snowden as well as Bradley Manning, now on trial for “aiding the enemy. “It is getting to the point where the mark of international distinction and service to humanity is no longer the Nobel Peace Prize, but an espionage indictment from the US Department of Justice.”

INSIDERY THREAT

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Federal Employees Who Read Salon, The Onion, At ‘High Risk’ For Leaking, Says Defense Source

By Elizabeth Coady

OH, THE IRONY. A story in part about the satirical newspaper The Onion sounds ripped right from its headlines.

In a remarkable report that outs the Obama Administration as Stasi-esque, McClatchy reporters Marisa Taylor and Jonathan S. Landay reveal a new federal initiative that encourages workers to turn in colleagues whom they suspect of being leakers.

UP FROM BOOTSTRAPS EDITION

By Karen Malmquist

WHEN A WOMAN IS MAD AND TAKES HER EARRINGS OFF, it’s a sign that you better run as fast as you can. On Thursday’s The Show with Vinny, Uncle Nino is finally gonna get what’s been coming to him.

Teen pop sensation Austin Mahone and Love & Hip-Hop star Erica Mena are this week’s guests, and Paola interrupts Vinny once again while he’s trying to welcome everyone to the new episode. He’s trying to do his job. She’s talking over him. This is a constant thing with them. Maybe she needs her own show.

BBFS FOREVER

Fri-Aww Day: It’s ‘Take Your Dog To Work’ Day

By Elizabeth Coady

YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A PERSON BY HOW THEY TREAT THEIR four-legged friends, a correlative that has been remarked upon by many great minds in history.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”

A.A. Milne, famous for penning Winnie-The-Pooh, allegedly asserted that “some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That’s the problem.”

Woodrow Wilson, our 28th president, remarked wryly that “If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.”

THE ‘NORTH’ STAR

Oh, Gawd, They Didn’t: Kanye & Kim Name Baby ‘North West’

By Elizabeth Coady

OH, GOD, TELL US YOU DIDN’T DO IT, KANYE & KIMMIE.

TMZ and People are claiming that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian actually did name their newborn daughter North. Meaning her given name is ‘North West.’ No middle name. No Donda in honor of Ye’s deceased mother. No K as in Kitten, which I was rooting for, or Kaidence as reported earlier.

US reports that the couple have already adopted Nori as her nickname.

The baby Gemini was born Saturday five weeks prematurely at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.

PURE TITILLATION

TMZ Teases Entire Internet With Near-Topless Photos Of Kate Upton

By Elizabeth Coady

TMZ IS NOTORIOUS FOR PRODUCING CLICK BAIT AT CHOCK-A-BLOCK RATES. But today they one-upped themselves when they ran a (barely) censored videotape of Kate Upton striding topless on a horse.

But because they can’t offend the Internet’s overlords (Google, Facebook, in that order), the editors covered her nipples with tiny red stars. Not that they left much to the imagination anyway.

IT’S IN THE METADATA

Google Exec Confirms What Employers Already Know: Grades Don’t Matter

By Elizabeth Coady

THIS LITTLE SLICE OF INFO MIGHT MAKE educators lose their last meals: Google, consistently ranked as one of the hardest places to land a job, and reputedly filled with the “smartest people in the world,” doesn’t put much weight on grades.

Laszlo Bock, senior VP of “people operations” at Google, tells the New York Times that the company has researched whether grades correlate with work success. And his answer makes a mockery of educators’ emphasis on bagging As.

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER

Credit: JKlekamp on Twitter

James Gandolfini Fades To Black & A New Jersey Diner Pays Tribute

By Elizabeth Coady

THE OUTPOURING OF ACCOLADES FOLLOWING JAMES GANDOLFINI’S sudden death has dominated entertainment headlines in the last 24 hours. But no tribute to the award-winning Sopranos boss is more touching than the one being held at a New Jersey diner.

The owners of Holsten’s Brookdale Confectionery in Bloomfield, N.J. have placed a “reserve” notice on the booth where Gandolfini and his mob family shared their last meal during the HBO series finale five years ago.

RIPPLES FROM THE PAST

Credit: Dave Leander/Detroit Free Press

97-Year-Old Message In Bottle Surfaces Memories Of Long-Gone Grandmother

By Elizabeth Coady

FOR MOST OF US, DEAD RELATIVES FROM BYGONE GENERATIONS seem more illusion than reality. But a twist of fate has revived the memory of a Detroit woman who tossed a message in a bottle into the St. Clair River 97 years ago.

A handwritten note with the message, “Having a good time at Tashmoo,” and dated June 30, 1915, was recovered last year by diver David Leander. With the help of his friend Michael Brodzik, who is president of the Metropolitan Detroit Antique Bottle Club, a search began for relatives of the signers.

The message, scribbled on the back of a White Star Line deposit ticket, was signed by Tillie Esper and Selina Pramstaller, teenagers who lived nine blocks apart in Detroit. Together they apparently visited Tashmoo Park on Harsens Island for an outing.