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Ke$ha Drinks Her Own Pee On TV, Pissing Off Parents Television Council

By Jacob Wittich

KE$HA DRANK HER OWN PEE!

Seriously, she literally drinks her own urine, a stunt that figuratively pisses off the Parents Television Council. “Why should we have to pay for this kind of garbage just so we can get access to Discovery, Disney, or the Golf channel?” the PTC steamed to supporters. But Ke$ha’s friend said it was good for her health and she goes for it.

Yes, Ke$ha’s crazy beautiful life turns foul just as the star returns from the “spirit journey” she took following her first tour. Rejuvenated, the pop star must now get working on her second studio album, which she’s already named Warrior.”

SKY’S THE LIMIT?

Doomed Goat’s Daring Dash For Freedom Pays Off

By Elizabeth C.

A BROWN GOAT’S DARING DASH FOR FREEDOM HAS PAID OFF: Just a day after snarling rush-hour morning traffic on New Jersey’s Pulaski Skyway, the goat nicknamed “Sky” is kicking it up on a rescue farm.

That’s a pretty quick turnaround for a goat pierced with a U.S. Department of Agriculture and likely doomed for slaughter. The small brown mammal was found Tuesday morning “jumping over the divider and on top of cars,” Jersey City Police Capt. Edgar Martinez reported to 1010 WINS. Traffic in both east and westbound lanes was disrupted between 7:10 a.m. until almost 9 a.m.

GLOATING?

Brad Pitt Can’t Stop Gushing About Angelina & Kids: The Esquire Interview

By Elizabeth C.

YOU’D THINK THAT AFTER PUTTING HIS FOOT IN HIS MOUTH BEFORE ABOUT HIS MARRIAGE TO JENNIFER ANISTON, thespian Brad Pitt would have gotten his public face down. But, no, Angelina Jolie’s life partner can’t stop making unwitting unflattering comparisons between his former Friend and his smoldering sexy baby mama.

The most recent dig comes by way of Tom Junod’s Esquire interview, timed to coincide with the release of Pitt’s World War Z zombie apocalypse thriller. Because in our modern celebrity publicity machine, trading personal is the simulacrum for authenticity, something at which the Jolie-Pitts excel.

WHACK WEDNESDAY

Lindsay’s Cut Off, Archie Gets ‘Social’ & Doors’ Fans Mourn

By Miz J

SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT. Adderall, that is.

Lindsay Lohan, currently on lockdown at Betty Ford per a judge’s orders, says she can’t wait to get out and get some more Adderall. The troubled starlet has mentioned in the past her severe ADD, and that she takes the medication to keep it under control. However, the prescription is amphetamine-based, and works as a trigger, leading to further drug use. “She has been a bitch on wheels,” said a source inside the center. We’re guessing that’s more of a Hollywood thing than an Adderall thing, though.

THE HUNGER

Mad Men: The Crash

By Miz J

’68 WAS A REAL WEIRD YEAR,” my dad told me once, and after tonight’s episode, The Crash, I have no doubt in my mind. Let’s start with the fact that Ken Cosgrove is in a literal crash with the raucous new Chevy clients, who just want to run their agency crew ragged on the agency’s dime. While it’s not uncommon to have expense-account clients — I’ve had quite a few in my time — these guys really go all out, bullying Ken and making him drive drunk and blindfolded, resulting in a crash that screws up his foot.

When Cosgrove returns, on crutches, to SCDP from the latest Detroit boondoggle, there’s a heated discussion at the partners’ table. Frank’s condition is worsening by the minute, the Chevy account is totally out of control, and the whole team is burned out. And on top of it all, they have to work yet another weekend to meet the crazy deadlines Chevy is doling out.

SMALL MIRACLE

Oklahoma Tornado Survivor Finds Missing Dog In Rubble During Live TV Interview

AMID THE LOSS FROM THE “MONSTROUS” TORNADO THAT RAZED MOORE, OKLA. WAS a small miracle caught on camera.

Senior Barbara Garcia was speaking to a television reporter about taking cover in her home’s bathroom when the massive storm hit. The storm razed her home, but she never lost consciousness.

“I mean, it was there and it was gone. Just no time. And then it was light, and I thought well, ‘I’m okay.'” She managed to climb out from under the rubble but her dog was still missing.

ASUNDER

Love Celebrity Style: RPatz Moves Out, January Stays Mum & Kanye Keeps Kim At Bay?

By Elizabeth C.

OLD VAMPIRE STORIES NEVER DIE, THEY’RE JUST REVIVED TO HAUNT OUR DREAMS ANOTHER DAY. And so we report that the on-again-off-again love between Twilight bloodsuckers Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart has grown moribund once more.

The comely duo reportedly got into a huge row on Pattinson’s 27th birthday on May 13. A source told Hollywood Life that “Rob is not treating Kristen like a princess and she’s getting fed up with it. He’s not as into it as he was before the cheating — not giving her special treatment like he used to. She feels unloved and that’s why they fought. They’re not split, but they’re holding on by a string.”

But then on Sunday photos emerged of Pattinson driving a pickup truck filled with belongings he allegedly fetched from Stewart’s house. “Suitcases, a bike, trash bags full of his things,” a source tells Life & Style.

UNDER THE INFLUENCE

Watch The ‘Real Greg Brady’ Perform Doctored Eminem Rap

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S A SCENE RIGHT OUT OF MUSIC & LYRICS, but we can deduce that Brady Bunch alum Barry Williams has survived being a child actor with humor intact.

Williams, otherwise known as oldest son “Greg” of Carol and Mike Brady in the soapy 70s family sitcom The Brady Bunch, appeared at Cincinnati’s Kings Island amusement park to celebrate the show’s 40th anniversary. Joined by Christopher Knight (Peter) and Susan Olsen (Cindy), the trio signed autographs and took snaps with fans.

But Vibe says the highlight of the visit came when when Williams performed not for the first time a cover of Eminem’s The Real Slim Shady. Apparently the song has become part of his schtick as a television has-been.

THE EXORCIST?

Credit: AFP

Did Pope Francis Exorcise The Devil From A Wheelchair Bound Boy?

By Elizabeth C.

DID POPE FRANCIS, THE FAVORITE POPE OF LAPSED CATHOLICS EVERYWHERE (Okay, MINE) EXORCISE a demon from a wheelchair bound teen?

A video posted by TV2000 shows the teenaged boy sighing heavily and slumping after the Pontiff lays his hands upon him and prays. A video of Sunday’s meeting in St. Peter’s Square has tongues wagging among Catholic observers and conspiracy theorists.

HORRIFIC

Here’s A Live Feed Of Oklahoma Tornado Coverage By NBC News

HERE IS LIVE FEED OF KFOR NEWS COVERAGE OF THE DEVASTATING DAMAGE after a tornado slammed Moore, Okla., located south of Oklahoma City. So far 37 51 people been confirmed dead, according to NBC.

A spokeswoman for the Moore mayor’s office told the New York Times that emergency workers were still assessing damages and accounting for residents.

Preliminary reports are that as many as 24 children may have been killed when the twister slammed into an elementary school but that report has not been confirmed.