NO PARKING HERE

Frank Ocean Chooses “Peace” After Parking Fight Fiasco

By Elizabeth C.

HERE’S A LESSON WE LEARNED THIS WEEK: Don’t ever park in Frank Ocean’s parking space.

TMZ reported Monday that Frank Ocean and Chris Brown got into a tussle overnight at an L.A. recording studio over an effing parking spot. The online tab immediately followed up with claims from Brown’s camp that Ocean began the scuffle.

EXPECT A SCORE

Credit: Instagram

Odds On Favorite To Win Super Bowl 2013: Beyonce

By Jacob Wittich

FOOTBALL FANS ACROSS AMERICA ARE READYING FOR the Baltimore Ravens to face off against the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl XLVII. But I’m calling it now: Beyonce will be the big winner of tomorrow’s game.

For the past two weeks Beyonce has been sharing peeks into her perfectionist rehearsals in photos posted on Instagram and elsewhere. The R&B star’s setlist was also leaked last week, and fans hypothesize the choreography in one photo is very similar to the hip-thrusting Single Ladies dance.

MOTHER MEGALOMANIAC?

Credit: Instagram

New Report Hints Lady Gaga Is Monster Boss

By Elizabeth C.

A NEW REPORT SUGGESTS THAT LADY GAGA REALLY IS A MOTHER MONSTER BEHIND THE SCENES.

In a deposition given in a lawsuit filed by a former employee alleging the pop star owes her 7,000 in overtime, Gaga reportedly comes off as unsufferable and an out-of-control boss, unlike the caring persona she feigns.

YOU’VE BEEN SERVED

25 Years After Hoax, Bill Comes Due For Tawana Brawley

By Elizabeth C.

TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AFTER SHE CONCOCTED A STORY about being abducted and abused by a group of white men, Tawana Brawley is getting the bill for ruining a prosecutor’s reputation.

The New York Post last month tracked down Brawley, now 40, living under an “assumed name” and working as a licensed nurse in Virginia. Yesterday, she was served with a court order demanding that she settle the $190,000 defamation claim won against her by former Dutchess County, N.Y. prosecutor Steven Pagones.

“For at least 25 years, she has been living a major lie,” Pagones told the Post. “To me, this has always been about responsibility and accountability.”

A WHALE OF A TALE

Credit: Manchester Evening New

Dog Sniffs Out Smelly Beach ‘Ball’ Potentially Worth $180K

By Elizabeth C.

MADGE THE BOXER WOULDN’T LEAVE THE SMELLY BALL ALONE she discovered while walking along a North England coastline with her owner. So Ken Wilman “picked it up and it smelt horrible so I knocked it with my walking stick and a small lump came off.”

But curiosity got the best of Wilman and he looked up his find on Google just as soon as he got home. He discovered the waxy ball was ambergris, a fancy word for whale puke, which fetches large sums of money from perfume makers.