TEA FOR FEUD

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Shame On You On Me

By Karen Malmquist

ON THIS WEEK’S EPISODE OF AMERICA’S CLASSIEST SOAP OPERA, we get a shocking look into Lisa’s sexy past, and a face-to-plastic-face between Brandi and Adrienne. The pink drinks are a’flowing as fast as the accusations, because Lisa thought it would be a great idea to bring the angriest people in Beverly Hills together. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.

We open with Mauricio laughing at Kyle, who struggles to put her rack of extra clothes back in her closet. After she’s done falling down, she tells him that she’s going over to Lisa’s to have a talk with her about Vegas and try to patch things up.

THE HONEYMOONERS

Snooki & JWoww: Meatball Rules For Snuggling

By Karen Malmquist

SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY THAT Nicole WAS flashing her cootchie and and fighting with Jionni in the streets of Italy. Nowadays, instead of screaming and punching empty cop cars, they’re stealing parking spots and lying about burping.

On Tuesday’s Snooki & JWoww, the Brangelina of reality television has certainly grown up.

It’s a bit of a Jersey Shore reunion as former roommates drop by to feast their eyes on the wee guido. Deena is the first to visit Lorenzo, and she comes baring gifts: giant Slim Jims for Nicole! Maybe they’re normal-sized, but they appear to be three quarters of Snooki’s height and she couldn’t be happier.

CHILLING

CBS Footage Of Shootout With Dorner Illustrates ”Militarization” Of Police

By Elizabeth C.

CHRISTOPER DORNER WAS BELIEVED ALONE INSIDE WHEN LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS OPENED FIRE ON A CABIN IN THE SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS, SHOOTING OFF hundreds of rounds.

This video taken by a CBS film crew captures the asymmetrical assault on the rogue LA cop bent on revenge for being forced out of the LAPD and accused of killing four. It also gives us all eyewitness testimony to the way law enforcement officials have become militarized since Congress passed the Homeland Security Act of 2002.

GIVE ‘EM HELL, ADELE

Adele’s Supposed Chris Brown Smackdown Is Poppycock

By Elizabeth C.

ADELE WANTS YOU TO KNOW that claims she stabbed her cockneyed tongue into Chris Brown are utter poppycock.

A spate of gossips published a photo of the British songstress encountering a glum-looking Brown inside Staples Center during the Grammy Awards. Several jumped to the conclusion that 21 Grammy winner sniped at him for not giving a standing ovation to Frank Ocean who had just bested him for the Best Urban Contemporary Album.

REVENGE ON BOTH SIDES

Audio Suggests Authorities Set Fire To Cabin Christopher Dorner Was Holed Up In

By Elizabeth C.

THE AUDIO TRACK OF A YOUTUBE VIDEO capturing police scanner communication suggests law agents deliberately set fire to the cabin that rogue cop Christopher Dorner was holed up in. “All right, Steve, we’re gonna go, er, we’re gonna go forward with the plan, with, er, with the burn. We want it, er, like we talked about,” an unidentified officer is overheard saying on the audio recording.

BLAME HER ACHING BODY

Lady Gaga Sicks Out On Three Midwest Concert Stops

By Jacob Wittich

LADY GAGA’S LITTLE MONSTERS OF Chicago, Detroit and Hamilton, Ontario, will have to catch Mother Monster’s Born This Way Ball the second time around. Gaga has cancelled her next four shows due to a case of Synovitis, a severe inflammation of the joints.

Gaga was due to perform at Chicago’s United Center on Feb 13 and 14th; in Detroit Feb. 16 and in Hamilton, Ontario on Feb. 17.

UNTIL THE INEVITABLE OUTCOME

Credit: KCAL

Watch Live Coverage Of Christopher Dorner Standoff

By Elizabeth C.

HOURS BEFORE PRESIDENT OBAMA IS SET TO ADDRESS A NATIONAL AUDIENCE DURING THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, AUTHORITIES ARE IN A STANDOFF IN CALIFORNIA’S SAN BERNARDINO MOUNTAINS WITH ROGUE EX LAPD COP CHRISTOPHER DORNER. Embedded above is the live broadcast feed from CBS News affiliate KCAL-TV. Below, the feed from NBCLA.

A TRYING PROBLEM

Credit: YouTube

Study: Wives’ Income Rise Causes Droop In Husbands’ Peter Performance

By Elizabeth C.

A RISE IN INCOME FOR WIVES OVER HUSBANDS CORRELATES WITH A DROOP IN HER spouse’s peter, while both spouses in couples where the wife’s salary eclipses her husband’s report taking more anti-anxiety or insomnia medications, according to a new research study.

Researchers reached their conclusions after mining data from two Danish databases on 569,000 couples between the ages of 25 and 49 in which both spouses worked full time.

CONTRIVED OUTRAGE

Credit: Chi

Much Ado About Nothing: Italy’s Chi Publishes Snaps Of Pregnant Kate In Bikini

By Elizabeth C.

PARDON MY YAWN IF THIS IS WHAT PASSES FOR SCANDAL TODAY: Italian magazine Chi has published snaps of the pregnant Duchess of Cambridge in a bikini while vacationing in Mustique.

The photos were taken as Kate vacations with Prince William on a private holiday in the Caribbean. And they have provoked harsh rebuke from the royal court which called it “a clear breach of the couple’s right to privacy.”

LIFE IS BUT A DREAM

Credit: vogue

Beyoncé In Vogue: Supernatural Woman

By Elizabeth C.

LORD JESUS SHE’S ON FIRE: SWEET BROWN Beyoncé is burning hot in 2013. Lip-syncing her way into Inauguration history, fiercing leading the Super Bowl halftime show, producing a slick HBO hagiography about herself, announcing the Mrs. Carter tour, and now gracing the cover of Vogue‘s March issue.

On the cover the R&B Queen wears Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci in black and white, no doubt a subtle tie-in to the Justin Timberlake-Jay-Z tour just announced. The POTUS Of SwagNation and his new wife were sartorially coordinated in the same colors with Mr. And Mrs. Shawn Carter at Sunday night’s Grammy Awards. And in the days since, Timberlake has joined Instagram, adding “tons of sexy black-and-white snaps.” Do not make the mistake of thinking her cover outfit was happenstance; there are no accidents in such choreographed careers.