HER RAISON D’ETRE

The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kenya Reigns Again!

By Karen Malmquist

SOMETHING STRANGE HAS HAPPENED TO KENYA MOORE — the crazy seems to have been exorcised from her body, at least for an episode.

On Sunday’s Real Housewives of Atlanta, it was as if Cynthia’s beauty pageant was her church and the vintage Miss USA sash was her holy water.

Cynthia is working to put the finishing touches on the Miss Renaissance pageant when Kenya shows up with potential new talent for the agent. The girl is 16 and looks like a model, so Cynthia is impressed and even offers her a spot in the pageant.

ALL WET?

Mariah Carey Bubble Bathes With A Bitch!

By Elizabeth C.

HAS MARIAH CAREY FIRED HER ”PEOPLE?” The diva and American Idol judge has been engaging in some bizarre self-promotion on social media, most recently tweeting photos of herself bathing with a dog (and no that is not a euphemism for her husband Nick Cannon).

The divinely daffy diva posted the above photo on Wednesday showing herself holding her bedraggled pet pooch as she bubble-bathed in preparation for a Valentine’s Day date Nick.

“Aaaah! Jill E Beans leaps to the tub In hopes of a splash champagne — whhhhhy?,” she asked on Twitter. To which we immediately wondered whhhhhy? she was oversharing. Perhaps she had had a little too much of that bubbly in the bubbles already?

HARLEM SHAKEOUT

The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Prayers & Pageant Poopers

By Karen Malmquist

KENYA MOORE MAY NOT REALLY BE BIPOLAR or alcoholic, but Sunday’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta teases that something serious may really be going on in her body.

While we wait in suspense to find out what’s wrong, let’s empathize with Porsha’s latest dilemma: princess dresses.

Porsha has her mom and sister over to help her pick dresses for Kordell’s 40th birthday party. She’s modeling a poofy princess dress, and they’re not feeling it. Then, for the first time in her life, a light bulb goes off over her head and she throws on a Tina Turner-esque number.

DANCE FEVER

Credit: YouTube

Here’s The “Best Of” Harlem Shakes Video To Honor Friday’s Meteor Slam

IT’S FRIDAY, HURRAH, AND YOU’VE LIVED TO READ REPORTS ABOUT A METEOR SLAMMING DOWN IN CENTRAL RUSSIA. Seems like an appropriate reason to get you shaking in your boots.

EVOKING FEARS OF UFOS & BOMBS

Credit: Twitter

Great Balls Of Fire — A Meteorite Hits Russia!

By Elizabeth C.

Ameteorite crashed near Chelyabinsk in the Ural area of Central Russia Friday morning, panicking residents, igniting fires and breaking building windows. A reported 100 1200 people have sought medical attention, according to Russia Today.

“My window smashed, I am all shaking!,” Evgeniya Gabun wrote on Twitter. Later she responded to a wellwisher: “We are scared.”

Several people inside inside High School No. 130 near Chelyabinsk were injured by flying glass, according to the BBC. Chelyabinsk is about about 900 miles east of Moscow.

TMI

Ke$ha Confirms She’s Coocoo By Drinking Own Pee

By Jacob Wittich

FROM MUSINGS ON SPIRIT ANIMALS TO HER LATEST CONFESSION ABOUT DRINKING HER OWN PEE, Ke$ha’s is proving a modern day Gandhi — not!

Ke$ha shared in a BBC radio interview that she enjoyed a chug of golden liquid in a scene of her upcoming MTV documentary series, Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life.

Crazy? Most definitely. Beautiful? Not quite.

SWAG HAS ITS LIMITS

And Now For Some Counterprogramming To the Justin Timberlake Onslaught: Chris Brown’s Don’t Judge Me

By Elizabeth C.

IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T FIGURED IT OUT YET, I’M GENETICALLY INCAPABLE OF BEING A SHEEPLE. Feel sorry for me because it makes life harder. But you gotta be who you are, right?

So I’m confessing here and now: Justin Timberlake makes my skin crawl, and particularly in his latest iteration of swag, Suit & Tie. As hard as he’s tries, there’s no soul, no real depth in this jazzy muzak which you just know you’re about to hear on every on-hold soundtrack in America. Even David Fincher’s decision to shoot the video in black and white seems contrived. It’s fitting that Target is sponsoring this mass-produced plastic. Justin Timberlake is an organic productpropagating itself.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

‘Here’s The Gator Boys Get Sexy With Gators’

By Elizabeth C.

TO MAKE THE POINT THAT the network is “surprisingly human,” Animal Planet producers married Gator Boys Paul Bedard and Jimmy Riffle kissing gators with a smooth croon about love.

MEDIA IS COMPLICIT

San Bernardino Sheriff On Dorner Fire: You Heard Wrong

By Elizabeth C.

THE SCREAMS HEARD ON THE RECORDED POLICE RADIO BROADCASTS ARE UNAMBIVALENT: Burn that f*cking house down!

Yet this afternoon, with a straight face, San Bernardino County Sheriff John McMahon announced to the world: “We did not intentionally burn down that cabin to get Mr. Dorner out.” This is called dissimulation.

Some claim that “burn” is police jargon for “tear gas.” This is doublespeak.

Countering its deliberate evasiveness about the fire‘s cause just 24 hours earlier, the old news media scurry to report the denial in headlines:

BITE-SIZED TIDBITS

Whack Wednesday: Bey’s Delusions, Bieber’s Diss & Mrs. Huxtable’s Good Judgment

By Miz J

OKAY, GUYS, HERE’S THE THING. We love Beyoncé as much as the next person, but we had to laugh at this quote from her, which the singer offered up at the premiere of Life is But a Dream, — a documentary about Beyoncé, directed by Beyoncé, starring Beyoncé:

“I felt like it was time. I felt like after 16 years of being a singer, people didn’t know who I was, which was conscious because I feel like mystique is very important and I will always keep certain things to myself because it’s only natural.”

MYSTIQUE? Let’s not get carried away here, Bey. It’s only February and already you’ve performed at the Presidential inauguration (complete with lip synching mini-scandal), and the Superbowl AND you’ve released this documentary (complete with red carpet premiere). Your exposure is teetering on Kardashian levels, my dear.