COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING

Credit: Gawker/Getty

Report: Jesse Jackson Jr. Negotiating With Feds On Plea Deal

By Elizabeth C.

BIPOLAR WINNING CONGRESSMAN JESSE JACKSON JR. is negotiating a plea deal with federal prosecutors over charges that he misused campaign funds, the Chicago Sun-Times is reporting.

A secret source told the Chicago newspaper, “No one has pled guilty, but plea discussions are ongoing.”

HINTY, HINTY

Credit: Reuters

Now Joe Biden Steps In Line For Race To White House

By Elizabeth C.

TO THE POLITICALLY OBSESSED, ONE LINE IN PRESIDENT OBAMA’S VICTORY SPEECH LIKELY STOOD out more than all the others uttered Tuesday night in Chicago.

In between the effusive thank yous and the conciliatory promises of compromise, Obama delivered glowing praise for Vice-President Joe Biden.

SPILLING THE NEWS

Was ABC’s Diane Sawyer Drinking Behind The Anchor’s Desk Again?

By Elizabeth C.

TRUE GRASSROOTS DEMOCRACY WAS ON PARADE LAST NIGHT — when Twitter talked back to ABC News about a suspiciously sloppy and slurring Diane Sawyer.

ABC’s election night anchor was either deliriously tired or inconveniently tipsy, with many on the social network betting on the latter. One subversive opportunist took advantage of Sawyer’s awkward appearance and created a “Drunk Diane Sawyer” account on the social medium most suited for snap.

FOUR MORE YEARS

Watch & Read President Obama’s Victory Speech

By Elizabeth C.

ELECTORALLY-SPEAKING, PRESIDENT OBAMA’S RE-ELECTION WAS A GRAND SLAM, netting him 303 electoral votes to Mitt Romney’s 206. The outcome strengthens Obama’s hand as he moves forward toward his second term, and it lays bare the Republican Party’s increasing fringe appeal.

The president won nearly every swing state including Pennsylvania, Ohio, Virginia, Colorado, Wisconsin, Iowa and Nevada. His victory announcement came at 11:12 ET when NBC projected the President the winner in Ohio.

In his ebullient victory speech he delivered in Chicago after midnight, the President sought to unify a divided nation and to harness the energy and optimism of his supporters.

BIGFOOT LIVES — IN THE MIND OF THE IMPRESSIONABLE

Here’s A Sasquatch Story Running On Empty

By Elizabeth C.

HERE’S A TREAT FOR THE NETIZENS WHO ENJOY SNACKIN’ ON LOGICAL FALLACIES.

A Provo, Utah camper sees a black lump lurking in some bushes, the lump stands up, ergo the lump must be Bigfoot. Run for your life!

CAPITALIZED ON BEAUTY

Brooke Shields On Mother’s Death: ‘I Loved, Laughed With, Respected Her’

By Elizabeth C.

ICONIC BEAUTY BROOKE SHIELDS RELEASED A STATEMENT ON HER MOTHER’S DEATH. Teri Shields, previously described by her only daughter as “alcoholic, crazy, larger than life” — died Halloween in New York City. She had suffered from dementia during the last few years.

TIME’S UP

Election Day USA

By Elizabeth C.

A VOTER CASTS A BALLOT NOVEMBER 6, 2012 BEHIND AN APPROPRIATELY RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE CURTAIN IN Portsmouth, N.H. Tuesday. The photo was shot and uploaded to Flickr by Blake Gumprecht, 52, a geographer at the University of New Hampsire. An estimated 120 million Americans are expected to cast votes in this year’s presidential race.

YOU’RE ON MR. POPULAR

Vote Blah Blah (Then Make Your Voice Heard In Other Ways)

By Elizabeth C.

HAD ENOUGH?

Like the little crying girl Amy, I am so ready to not hear about Barack Obama and Mittens for a little while.

OUT OF HER MIND JEALOUS?

Was Jealousy Motive Of New York’s Slasher Nanny?

By Elizabeth C.

THE MOMENT YOSELYN ORTEGA REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS from a medically-induced coma, New York police asked why she stabbed her two young charges to death.

“Marina knows what happened,” the nanny said of the children’s mother, Marina Krim, who returned home Oct. 25 to find her 2-year-old Leo and 6-year-old Lulu bleeding to death.

Ortega had also slashed her own wrists and neck. Krim discovered the horrific scene when she returned home from a swimming class with her only surviving child, Nessie, and became “psychotic.”

CRUEL FATE

Putting A Face On Horrific Wild Dog Zoo Attack Of 2-Year-Old Boy

By Elizabeth C.

THE TWO-YEAR-OLD TODDLER WHO DIED AFTER FALLING into a wild dog exhibit at the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium is identified as Maddox Derkosh.

The impossibly cute bespectacled boy fell off a railing Sunday where his mother placed him to get a “better view” of the African Painted dogs, an endangered breed known for its ferocity.