R.I.P.

Larry Hagman, TV’s Conniving ‘J.R.’, Is Dead

By Elizabeth C.

TV‘S J.R. EWING, THE DIABOLICAL TEXAS OIL BARON WHO DOMINEERED the prime time soap opera Dallas, has finally been bested: actor Larry Hagman has died at the age of 81 from complications of throat cancer.

“As J.R. I could get away with anything — bribery, blackmail and adultery”, Hagman said last year. “But I got caught by cancer.”

The actor was declared dead at 4:20 p.m. Friday at Medical City Dallas Hospital. His death closes an unconventional life that included boarding school, LSD advocacy, a liver transplant and starring roles in two internationally popular television shows.

SOMEONE’S BITTEN

Emma Stone Has A Sex Tape

By Elizabeth C.

LET’S GET SPIDEY ON THE CASE: Sexy Emma Stone has a sex tape. That’s allegedly still in the hands of the presumed man with whom she romped. But now the world knows. And of course we want the details: Was she tied up in silk threads? Did he fly her to the sky? Or was it just a pedestrian roll in the sack?

ILLUSION SHATTERED

A Thanksgiving Toast To His ‘Beautiful Wife,’ Then Betrayal

By Tammy Letherer

EVERY YEAR DAVE AND I HOST A THANKSGIVING DINNER for our friends after everyone has made their relative rounds. This year I’m especially excited, thanks to my newly-spiffed living room. As a long time interior design junkie, I’ve labored valiantly to bring some style to this room. I hand-painted a beautiful oak cabinet I found in the alley, re-upholstered an armchair a friend didn’t want, bartered for a sofa. But no matter how much HGTV I watch, I can’t get my Design on a Dime to look anything but chintzy. So I splurged by spending $400 on a team of home staging experts. Using my own things, they spent four hours working magic. When I stepped in to my new room, I was stunned. They did that with my old stuff?! It is, finally, a look as polished as what I’ve imagined.

As our friends gather, I take pictures of everyone chatting in the living room, (the lighting is perfect, the seating ample!) and I am proud and pleased of the tableau Dave and I have created. Before long we move to the table and begin our dinner with each of us giving thanks. Dave is the last to go. He stands at the head of the table and raises his glass.

“I’m grateful for my beautiful wife,” he says. Then he adds that he is also thankful for Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. I’d read it recently and was so inspired that I urged it on Dave. Since he doesn’t share my self-help or spiritual interests, I was surprised when he picked it up. I am also surprised that he is including it in his toast. He hasn’t discussed it with me, so I’m unaware that it moved him. But how encouraging!

A LOVE STORY

Fiona Apple’s Letter About Her Dying Dog Will Make You Cry (And Love Her)

By Elizabeth C.

WE’RE USED TO POIGNANT, POINTED SONGS FILLED WITH RAW EMOTION from her. But did you know Fiona Apple also feels this deeply about her dog?

The songstress has written a deeply moving letter to her South American fans asking them to understand why she has to delay her tour: her pit bull Janet is ailing and near death.

A CONVENIENT BOO BOO

Jennifer Lawrence Milks Honey Boo ‘Boob’ Story For Movie Sales

By Elizabeth C.

WHEN YOU’RE INVITED TO JAY LENO’S TO PITCH YOUR LATEST PROJECT, MAKE SURE YOU COME armed with a story. And actress Jennifer Lawrence proved she’s schooled in synergy when she dropped a story about the Southern-fried pipsqueak known as Honey Boo Boo Child.

RANDOM ACT OF UNDERSEA KINDNESS

A Thanksgiving Story: Scuba Divers Save Entangled Whale Shark

By Elizabeth C.

HERE’S AN AWWW TO BEGIN YOUR THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY.

Crew on the luxury live-aboard Solmar V happened upon a whale shark in distress while exploring Roca Partida, near Socorro Island, about 250 miles south of Baja, Mexico.

ACCIDENTAL REQUIEM FOR A SUICIDE

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Awkward Is Served

By Karen Malmquist

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS BE ANOTHER DINNER PARTY FROM HELL! On Monday’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we get a peek inside the mind of Yolanda, former model and current garden frolicker. From contemplating measuring the women before they sit down to eat, to mentally killing the ones who aren’t into sitting around and watching people jam around a piano, Yolanda is certainly an odd one.

PREGNANT WITH EXPECTATION

Credit: Getty Images

Waiting, Hoping, Wishing: A New Report That Princess Kate Is Pregnant

By Elizabeth C.

ANOTHER FAIRY TALE CHAPTER IS ALLEGEDLY ON THE BRINK FOR PRINCE WILLIAM AND PRINCESS KATE: let’s report once again, only this time with more breathlessness, that the Royal couple are expecting their first child.

A so-called friend of Kate’s has blabbed that the future king and queen will announce come December that Kate is pregnant.

EVOLUTIONARY MOTIVATOR?

Credit: National Geographic

Scientists: Apes Get Middle-Aged Sads Too

By Elizabeth C.

HOMO SAPIENS AREN’T THE ONLY ANIMALS TO SUFFER MID-LIFE CRISES: A NEW STUDY concludes that chimps and orangutans do, too, minus access to the Corvette dealership.

PRINCESS & THE PLEA

America’s ‘K’ Mart Royal Princess Kim Kardashian Can’t Con Invite From Royal Kate

By Elizabeth C.

PROVING THAT REGRET AND ENVY TOUCHES EVEN THE MOST PLASTIC FANTASTIC OF LIVES, Kim Kardashian is reportedly dealing with a twinge of royal envy. Even though she is paramour of one of hip hop’s main princes, the buxom reality show star pines for the respectability of a real princess.

According to gossip standby National Enquirer, Kardashian mused out loud about having tea with Britain’s Princess Kate when she and her sisters traveled to the UK to promote their soon-to-launch Dorothy Perkins fashion line. Kimmie even sent a hinty hinty in the form of a packet of freebies from her body-hugging clothing line.