HOGAN GOES SOFT FAST

WTF? Hulk Hogan Settles With The Love Sponge Who Reportedly Made Secret Sex Tape

By Elizabeth C.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Am I missing something in the Hulk Hogan-Bubba The Love Sponge settlement?

The erstwhile former best friends have kissed and made up — only figuratively speaking, we think — with Hulk settling his case against Bubba in Florida. But it’s the oddly worded statement released by the Love Sponge, aka Todd Alan Clem, that has me raising eyebrows.

A WEATHER SPOOKTACULAR

By Elizabeth C.

THE ENTIRE EAST COAST IS BATTENING DOWN ITS HATCHES AS THE EYE OF HURRICANE SANDY APPROACHES.

The storm is expected to hit land Monday night in South Jersey. Mass transit systems in New York, Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. were shut down in anticipation of predicted flooding. Amtrack halted service along the East Coast and The New York Stock Exchange kept its doors closed, as did many schools in Eastern seaboard states. Federal offices in D.C. remained shut.

Altogether, as many as 50 million people between Norfolk through Boston are predicted to be impacted by the superstorm dubbed Frankenstorm.

CHOOSE WISELY

Republicans Twist Their Panties Over Lena Dunham Ad, Making Case For Choosing ‘First Guy’ Carefully

By Trisha B.

THE NOISE ABOUT THIS VIDEO IS INESCAPABLE. Then Lawrence O’Donnell teased Lena Dunham’s new Obama endorsement video, saying it made Rush Limbaugh think about what it feels like to be a woman. I thought, hmmm, Rush hates women, maybe I should check this out.

A REGULAR WONDER WOMAN

To Everyone’s Surprise, Snooki Tells Billy Bush She Has A Future

By Karen Malmquist

POOR BILLY BUSH. THE ACCESS HOLLYWOOD LIVE HOST had Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi on his show Thursday to talk about motherhood when things went from uncomfortable to awkward before veering to surprisingly intellectual.

“THE EX FACTOR”

Sean Penn & Madonna Prove Love Never Dies, Just Morphs Into Exes With Benefits

By Elizabeth C.

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN, THE NEW ISSUE OF US WEEKLY HAS A STORY ABOUT THE GHOSTS OF LOVE GONE BY: The tab reports Madonna’s ex Sean Penn had front row seats at her Oct. 11 MDMA concert in Los Angeles and the two couldn’t take their eyes off each other.

OUTRAGEOUS

Paul Ceglia Popped By Feds For Scheme To Defraud Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg

Paul Ceglia, who sued Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg claiming that he was owed half the company, was arrested today on charges that he “falsified records and destroyed evidence in a multibillion scheme to defraud both Facebook and Zuckerberg,” CBS is reporting.

ROYALLY SCHOOLED

Pippa Displays Perfect Party Etiquette By Laughing Off Tiny Rude Guest

By Elizabeth C.

PIPPA MIDDLETON, SHE OF THE FAMOUS DERRI&#200RE, PROVED ADEPT AT CUSHIONING VERBAL FAUX PAS when a tiny blonde upstart dissed princesses at a videotaped playdate.

FROM MEATBALLS TO PEPPERONI

Jersey Shore Recap: ‘Officially’ Freaked Out

By Karen Malmquist

ONLY DEENA CORTESE COULD TURN DANCING INTO A CRIME. Take notes, terrible Footloose remake! This is how you break the law by busting an uncoordinated move.

On Thursday’s Jersey Shore, in a drunken frenzy the meatball throws herself a parade in the streets of Seaside Heights, and the police are surprisingly not okay with this.

Deena’s cuffed and thrown into what Ron calls affectionately “The Drunk Tank,” and Sam is shaken and crying. Ron awkwardly asks, “Sooo… Can we keep drinking now?”

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

Devastated New York Mother: From ‘Amused’ To ‘Psychotic’ In Three Hours

By Elizabeth C.

TWO NEW YORK CHILDREN WERE STABBED TO DEATH THURSDAY, AND A BLOG ENTRY BELIEVED MADE BY THE CHILDREN’S MOTHER ONLY THREE HOURS EARLIER IS NOW A CRUEL REMINDER OF HOW LIFE’S SHOCKING REVERSALS CAN COME IN AN INSTANT.

Marina Krim returned to her Upper West Side apartment about 5 p.m. Thursday to discover two of her three children, identified as 6-year-old Lulu and 3-year-old Leo, were stabbed to death in the apartment’s bathtub.

These Cityscapes Will Make You Wistful For Places You’ve Never Been

By Elizabeth C.

I STUMBLE UPON WHIMSICAL CITYSCAPES OF SOME OF THE WORLD’S GREATEST AND LESSER cities on Etsy. I congratulate myself for discovering a great talent. It’s a laughable delusion because Chicagoan Karen Young’s profile reveals she’s a “nationally renown artist” whose clients includes Anthropologie, David Salzman, Designer Shoe Warehouse, Fred Segal, I. Magnin, Julia Roberts, Paper Source, Quincy Jones, Rita Moreno and more.

How lucky I am in such good company! At least, I can applaud my good taste.