THROUGH THE LOOKING LENS

NY Housewife Aviva Drescher Apologizes For Being ‘Jerk’

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S NOT OFTEN, IF EVER, THAT A REAL HOUSEWIFE admits her bratty behavior was beyond the pale. I’m looking at you Teresa Guidice. But since the New York Housewives have more class, a mea culpa has arrived from Aviva Dresher for her behavior in St. Barths.

HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THESE BEFORE?

Exposed! But Princess Kate’s Flash Of Breasts Liberates Women

By Elizabeth C.

THE WORLD IS SHOCKED! SHOCKED! TODAY TO LEARN THAT Princess Kate has breasts.

The French magazine Closer defied sacrosanct boundaries by publishing photos showing the future queen Kate sunning topless while vacationing in France. The photos reveal Kate in fabulous form, with perky breasts and a tight bum. Nothing to be ashamed of her on bod.

But the way in which the photos were gained — with a paparazzi’s telephoto lens — and in violation of France’s own privacy laws — has incited international uproar and comparisons to the stalking media that drove Princess Diana literally to her death. The snaps were taken last week while the couple were on holiday in Provence.

21 QUESTIONS

Snooki & JWoww: Barbara Walters That Sh*

By Karen Malmquist

AFTER WEEKS OF PRETENDING WE DIDN’T KNOW SNOOKI WAS EXPECTING A BABY BOY, America put on their best surprised faces during Thursday’s Snooki & JWoww season finale. Now it’s time to get down to baby business: specifically, is she going to accidentally do her business all over little Lorenzo when he’s born?

AN EVOLVING CONTROVERSY

Dr. Pepper Ad Pits Creationists Against People With Senses Of Humor

By Elizabeth C.

VISUALLY AND CONCEPTUALLY, THE NEWEST DR. PEPPER AD IS SPECTACULAR: IT ILLUSTRATES MAN EVOLVING FROM APE TO ERECT BIPEDAL HOMINID after discovering Dr. Pepper. The tagline reads: The evolution of flavor.

As one commenter on Reddit cleverly opined, “DR. PEPPER CLEARLY SHOWS INTELLIGENT DESIGN.”

But within minutes after the ad was posted on Dr. Pepper’s Facebook page, several creationists took offense at the company monkeying around with their beliefs.

CONGRATS, WE THINK

Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo Name Son ‘Camden’

By Elizabeth C.

MAZEL TOV TO NICK AND VANESSA LACHEY on the birth of their new son, Camden John. The reality TV couple welcomed their first child Wednesday evening.

CANOODLING CONFESSION

Yes, Heidi Klum Is Fornicating With The Help

By Elizabeth C.

WELL, WELL, WELL, look who’s involved in familial scandal. It’s Heidi Klum, she of the spectacular Halloween costumes and beautiful bone structure and annual vow renewals with estranged husband Seal. Now her famed marriage is kaput, and Seal is accusing her of “fornicating with the help” even before they separated. Today Heidi did admit that she is canoodling with her security guard Martin Kristen on a visit to Katie Couric’s new talk show.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Princess Kate Is Pregnant?

By Elizabeth C.

WITH A TOAST AND A TUMMY TOUCH, Princess Catherine may be signalling that she’s about to fulfill her royal obligation: to deliver an heir to the British throne.

News senses are tingling after Kate, looking divine in a Prabal Gurung dress, refused wine at a state banquet in Singapore Tuesday. Then this morning, Kate and Prince William toured the Rainbow Centre in a dress designed by Singapore designer Raoul. In the above photo, she (subconsciously?) alights her hand protectively on her womb.

SHE’S GOT THE LOVE

Blake Lively Is Our New Domestic Goddess

By Elizabeth C.

ONLY 24 HOURS AGO Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds seemed like grounded, self-effacing celebrities who snuck off and married without a lot of public hoopla. Now we know that’s not true: Martha Stewart’s Weddings will feature the “intimate, personalized party” for 60 in its December issue. And to tease its exclusive the magazine leaked details:

“The bride and her bridesmaids walked down the aisle in custom Marchesa gowns designed by Blake’s friends, Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig, with shoes created for the celebration by Christian Louboutin. The groom and groomsmen wore specially made Burberry suits with custom leather suspenders designed by the groom’s friend, Christopher Bailey. The couple exchanged unique wedding rings by Lorraine Schwartz.

With Martha’s team at the helm, no doubt the event’s aesthetics will be as stunning as the bride and groom. But if you can’t wait until the December issue, pick up the October issue of Allure in which Blake waxes ridiculously about having 30 kids.

GIDDY UP

Gangnam Style’s Psy Teaches His Signature Gallop To Britney Spears

By Elizabeth C.

TALKER ELLEN DEGENERES created a “TV moment” when she surprised Britney Spears with an impromptu dance lesson from Park Jae-Sang, otherwise known as Psy, the Korean pop artist blowing up big time.

BritBrit stopped by with Simon Cowell to promote the X Factor. Ellen asked her about tweeting that she wanted to learn Psy’s signature horsey giddy up dance from the blockbuster Gangham Style video.

A NEW REDNECK RIVIERA

Real Housewives Of New York: Crunk & Disorderly

By Trisha B.

POOR ST. BARTH’S, YOU ARE TOO LOVELY AN ISLAND to be caught in the middle of all of these ill feelings and recriminations. But caught you are, along with all the tourists who can’t believe they choose these weeks to visit, running into bitching Housewives at every turn.