INDECENT EXPOSURE?

David Beckham Is Packin’ For H&M

By Elizabeth C.

DVID BECKHAM IS PACKIN’.

The tattooed Adonis makes his second appearance in an H&M underwear ad but this time he’s, ahem, arousing more controversy than usual.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES REALIZED?

Julian Assange & The Case For The So-Called ‘New World Order’

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S A QUIET RAINY MORNING IN MY WORLD IN CHICAGO but 4,000 miles away an epic battle is mushrooming. Equador has dared to grant WikiLeaks’ founder Julian Assange asylum.

The decision is an affront to the U.K.’s judicial system which has ruled that Assange should be extradited to Sweden for questioning in two sexual misconduct cases. But the founder of WikiLeaks, who has humiliated America’s military and diplomatic corps by releasing secret documents and videos revealing the real machinations behind America’s words, has been the target of U.S. politicians’ paroxysm.

FIRST GENERATION DOUCHE

Chet Haze Reminds You He’s A Rich Kid On Instagram

By Elizabeth C.

IN CASE YOU MISSED HIM AMONG THE HIGHFALUTIN RICH KIDS OF INSTAGRAM, HERE’s a snap uploaded by Chet Haze, Tom Hanks’ embarrassing rapper wannabe son.

Oh, excuse me, he’s changed his mind and henceforth should be referred to as “artist, musician, and singer.”

THE MONEYED CLASSLESS

The Ostentatiously Vulgar Rich Kids Of Instagram

By Elizabeth C.

BEHOLD OUR COUNTRY’S FUTURE JOB CREATORS: the so-called “Rich Kids of Instagram.” They’re audacious, outrageous, ridonkulous and shallow.

They’re the alleged offspring of the elite for whom our Congress support tax laws that threaten to collapse the country’s hollow house of cards.

And they’re the perfect poster children for inspiring burning down the house. Or maybe just a kidnapping or two.

The Instagram page, which went up on the web a month ago, depicts the privileged progeny of the One Percent ostentatiously at play: swilling champagne, riding flashy cars, traveling in private jets and diving off yachts. And until this week, these garish breathing examples of the world’s wealth inequities remained anonymous until one presumably not very bright — and one very high profile Alexa Dell — inadvertently joined the Instagram party.

AN IMMODEST PROPOSAL

Is It His ‘Time’? We Nominate Ryan Lochte As Price Is Right‘s First Male Model

THE TIMING COULDN’T BE MORE AUSPICIOUS: TELEVISION GAME SHOW STAPLE The Price Is Right is looking for a male model. To work for just one week in L.A. And the opportunity conveniently comes just as Ryan Lochte, Olympic gold medalist, ‘rock star,’ certifiable douche, is expected to swim into town.

Think about it: the hook-up would be awesome.

TURNED HIS BACK; NOW WILL WE TURN OURS?

Latest & Best Gotye Parody Crystallizes Democratic Voters’ Dilemma

THERE’S A PANG IN MY STOMACH ABOUT THE UPCOMING ELECTION. I don’t have a man in this race.The poisonous truth that it makes too little difference which man becomes president. Neither party is willing or able to rewrite the power paradigm that turns politicians of both parties into supplicants for banks and conglomerates; Neither party is willing to discard the self-serving rhetoric that paralyzes Congress. We’re used to Republican lies: Ronald Reagan shrunk the government; the rich pay more taxes; that America is the land of equal opportunity. But now the Democrats lie too. And nothing has crystallized that truth more brilliantly or more visually than the latest Gotye parody of the song Someone That I Used To Know.

A NICE GUY

The Foreplay Was Better Than The Act: Robert Pattinson On Daily Show

By Elizabeth C.

THERE’S AN ART TO SAYING NOTHING WELL, and professional heartthrob Robert Pattinson revealed his unskill at that talent Monday night.

Just bruising from the public humiliation of seeing girlfriend of three years Kristen Stewart nuzzling with he who shall not be named, Pattinson turned out Monday night on Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show to promote his new movie, Cosmopolis. It was his first appearance since the scandal broke and Twihards and gossips were waiting breathlessly to hear what he’d say about it. And the answer is… a big fat nothing.

TOASTED

Real Housewives Of New York: The M.O. Is Crazy

By Trisha B.

PREVIOUSLY, AVIVA’S FATHER GEORGE PROMISED CAROLE HER FIRST SCREAMING ORGASM; Ramona and Heather continued to butt heads; Sonja worried LuAnn’s quest to have a baby meant she was losing it; and Mario made Jacques promise not to play anymore tricks on his wife.

YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

Teddy The A**hole Cat Throws Down

DO NOT FUCK WITH TEDDY THE ASSHOLE CAT. He is ready to throw down. Then again — go ahead- honey Teddy don’t care.

SURF’S UP

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Are We There Yet? (Hurry)

By Karen Malmquist

TURTLE TIME CROSSES OVER TO THE Real Housewives Of New Jersey as the women lug husbands and kids through California on their quest for wine country.

The families are still on their RV trip to Napa, and have finally decided to numb the pain of traveling by getting quite boozy. Drunk surfing, anyone?