TIMELESS

Rolling Stones‘ Raunchy Logo Gets A Facelift

By Elizabeth C.

THE FACES OF MICK AND KEITH AND CHARLIE MAY BE SUNKEN AND WRINKLED, but the music of the Rolling Stones still pounds through speakers like a testoterone-fueled missive. Inconceivably, the boys in the iconic band are preparing to celebrate 50 years of making noise.

On July 12, 1962, the Rolling Stones played their first gig at London’s Marquee Club, launching a musical force that rocketed them to fame in what critics have labeled the “World’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band.” To celebrate their brand, the iconic tongue logo from the band’s “Sticky Fingers” album has gotten a facelift from graphic illustrator Shepard Fairey. Fairey is famous for his iconic Obama “Hope” poster that became ubiquitous during the 2008 presidential campaign.

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Snooki & J-Woww: Two Girls, Three Deer & One Little Meatball

By Karen Malmquist

AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS Snooki & J-Woww christened their new Jersey City digs with an argument about strippers and a sober Snooki trying to get everyone to calm down. Take a second to let that sink in. Sober Snooki. Telling people to settle down.

FORWARD FOCUSED

Credit: Elle

Katie Holmes In Elle: Actress In Repose

By Elizabeth C.

SIX WEEKS BEFORE SHE ANNOUNCED HER SPLIT FROM TOM CRUISE, ACTRESS KATIE HOLMES WAS SIGNALING that she was in metamorphosis.

GURL POWER

Credit: Getty

Katie Holmes’ Gives Women Lessons On Right Way To Dump Abusers

By Elizabeth C.

I‘M AMUSED BY THE “SOURCES” WHO SAY THEY’RE SHOCKED! SHOCKED! that Katie Holmes has just filed for divorced. Why, just two weeks ago, Scientology’ golden couple were walking hand-in-hand in Reykjavik, Iceland, when Katie visited Tom Cruise on his shoot. And then they spotted looking so loving at a restaurant.

“Tom and Katie would look at each other and smile,” a witness told Us Weekly. “They were like all the young families that come in here. It’s almost impossible to think they’re getting divorced because they seemed very happy that night.”

FREE AT LAST

Credit: Splash News

A Sweet Independence Day For Katie Holmes

By Elizabeth C.

INDEPENDENCE DAY IS PARTICULARLY SWEET FOR KATIE HOLMES and her daughter, Suri. Tom Cruise’s soon-to-be ex enjoyed an ice cream cone with Suri yesterday at New York’s Sundaes and Cone. Paparazzi swarmed the two but a poised Katie was smiling. Sources and celebrity observers say the former star of Dawson’s Creek and (one of my all-time favs) Wonder Boys is showing signs of relief now that her secret plan to ditch the Scientology-obsessed superstar has been realized.

WHAT ARE THE IMPLICATIONS?

An Even Bigger Question Lingers: What’s The Mass Of Peter Higgs’ Eyebrows?

By Elizabeth C.

PHYSICISTS WORLDWIDE ARE EUPHORIC OVER TODAY’S ANNOUNCEMENT THAT TWO scientific teams have independently observed the up-until-now only theorized Higgs Boson particle. And yet I’m drawn to wonder: What, exactly, is the mass of Peter Higgs’ eyebrows?

Higgs of Edinburgh University, shown above, is the physicist who first theorized in 1964 that a new particle — the “eponymous boson “- was a byproduct of a mass-giving field, according to the Guardian, which explains the groundbreaking research thusly:

PERFORMANCE ART

Credit: Pacific Coast News

Snooki Practices Being Mom — To Beer

By Elizabeth C.

NEW JERSEY’S PRIDE AND JOY Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi escorts the love of her life — liquor — to a beach barbecue being taped for the upcoming season of Jersey Shore. Looking like a sad life-sized Bratz doll, Snookums navigated a 30-pack of Coors light (and some Pepsi) in a jogging stroller Monday.

GOING FOR COMIC GOLD

Chinese Export Humor To Britain; As Usual, Brits Throw Up Barriers

By Elizabeth C.

GOD, YOU’D THINK ENGLAND’S ROYAL SUBJECTS WOULD REALIZE the joke’s on them — they being the ones who pay an estimated $35 million to $200,000 million annually to keep the medieval monarchy afloat. But crack wise about the Queen Mum, Kate Middleton and Prince William, and the legendary British stiff upper lip starts to curl.

ONE-UPMANSHIP

Real Housewives Of New York: Ramona’s One-Upmanship

By Trisha B.

LAST WEEK RAMONA FOUND OUT THAT SHE REALLY ISN’T WANTED AT HEATHER’S LONDON SLUMBER PARTY. This week we live through everyone’s angst about it. Sigh.

It’s a gorgeous day in the park as Heather and Aviva chat on a park bench. They talk kids, Heather’s business and London as Aviva explains again why she’s not going.

A MATTER OF FACT

Hurray — Ho-Hum — Anderson Cooper Is Gay

By Elizabeth C.

A HEARTY CONGRATS TO ALL THOSE liberated by Anderson Cooper’s public disclosure that he is gay.

The charming and intelligent Cooper was and always appeared to be a man with confidence and pride in his himself, which — ergo — I also assumed extended to his widely assumed gayness. But he never said the words — “I’m gay” — until being nudged by his writer friend Andrew Sullivan.