REMEMBER PAPA: DON’T PREACH

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Tom Cruises Into NYC To Visit Suri

By Elizabeth C.

TOM CRUISE’S CURRENT MISSION: Reconnecting with his little girl Suri during a visit to New York.

Photographers snapped the actor dashing into the Greenwich Hotel early Tuesday carrying his daughter with Katie Holmes.

WRAP UP

Real Housewives Of Orange County Reunion: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

By Trisha B.

WE TAKE OUR PLACES AND BEGIN “REUNION, PART TWO” with the break between Alexis and Gretchen.

Alexis, like Vicki, thinks the new friendship between Gretchen and Tamra meant the death of their old one. Alexis complains that Gretchen never had her back. And Gretchen swears she has defended her. Heather says Alexis was too quick to jump on her and Terry at the bowling party, after only hearing a bit of their conversation from another table. She just didn’t hear Gretchen take her side.

FIGHTS OF FANCY

Real Housewives Of New York: Booty & The ‘Beast’

By Trisha B.

IT’S EARLY AT THE FIVE-STAR LUXURY May Fair Hotel, where the ladies are staying. And Sonja’s getting ready to dunk her face in the bidet. LuAnn and Carole quickly follow her into the bathroom because they cannot believe girlfriend is doing this. But, as she dries off, LuAnn says her face looks amazing. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll try that the next time I’m in a five-star, luxury hotel.

KINDLING

Angela Corey Deals Herself An Ace In George Zimmerman Case

By Elizabeth C.

ANGELA COREY HAS SWEETENED HER HAND IN THE PROSECUTION OF GEORGE ZIMMERMAN FOR HIS SHOOTING DEATH OF Trayvon Martin: The special prosecutor has released statements by an anonymous woman accusing the vigilante neighborhood watchman of sexually abusing her for nearly a decade.

FAMOUS AND ALONE

Friday Night In Lights: Sage Stallone & Nadya Suleman

By Elizabeth C.

ONE’S DEAD AND THE OTHER ONE’S DANCING, BUT SAGE STALLONE AND NADYA SULEMAN prove that no matter how rich or famous we become, we live and die alone.

BEATSTOCK

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: B+ For Effort

By Karen Malmquist

SUNDAY’S REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY did the impossible: made us feel sorry for someone who has slept with Jennifer Lopez.

As we learned last week, Melissa decided to take her pop star aspirations to the next level by hiring choreographer and former I’m A Celebrity — Get Me Out of Here! contestant Chris Judd to help her with her rhythm problems.

THIS ISN’T KANSAS ANYMORE

Here’s A First Fantastical Look At Oz The Great and Powerful

By Elizabeth C.

IT TAKES GREAT KAHUNAS to seize the right to imagine a prologue to The Wizard of Oz, MGM’s dazzling 1939 recreation of L. Frank Baum’s childhood classic hailed as one of the best movies ever made. But, as we all know, there’s never been a shortage of ego or balls in Hollywood.

So it was probably inevitable that Disney, which owns the rights to Baum’s Oz, would one day create the backstory for just how Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs — or “Oscar Diggs” here- initially came to rule Emerald City.

IN SEARCH OF HATERS

The Hunt For The Nordstrom Alexis Hate Page On Facebook

By Trisha B.

WHERE IS THAT DAMN FACEBOOK PAGE?

Check out The Real Housewives of Orange County: Sad Eyes, Piss Face & The Death Stare.

BOMBSHELL

Snooki & JWoww: Hell Is Freezing Over In Pregnant Barbie’s Dream House

By Karen Malmquist

WHO KNEW THE DAY WAS COMING: when Snooki and JWoww would be grossed out by someone else’s sex stories. Oh, and the day Nicole would have to tell her roommates that she’s engaged and with child.

PERPETUATING QUESTIONS

Elvis Lives! — In The Genes Of A Scientifically Modified Mouse

By Elizabeth C.

IF YOU PLUCKED A HAIR FROM ELVIS’S HEAD, sequenced its genes and then transplanted them into a lab mouse, would you create a singing mouse — one in high sexual demand whose hips swiveled provocatively? Would its sqeaks be more melodious? Would it share feed generously with other mice? Would the existence of the mouse, in fact, mean that Elvis …lives?