THE AUDACITY OF HEATHER

Real Housewives Of New York: Your Gall Is Killing Me

By Trisha B.

AVIVA AND CAROLE ARE STROLLING DOWN THE STREET, CHATTING ABOUT — of all things — hard boiled eggs. At a restaurant they meet up with Ramona, who tells them Sonja is sick and won’t be coming. She’s brought everyone gift bags to prove she’s a nice person, regardless of what they think. Or what Heather has told them.

SAME AS IT EVER WAS

Credit: Splash

Drama Follows Lindsay Lohan On & Off Set Of Liz & Dick

By Elizabeth C.

LATE TO TAPINGS? Check.

Abusing costars? Check.

Stumbling over her lines? Check.

The talented Lindsay Lohan is back in action, playing out her relentless dramas and displaying grandiose delusions on the set of Liz & Dick.

Star reports that LiLo is acting out on the set of her made-for-TV biopic about the love and times of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

“The crew is fed up with Lindsay, because they have to spend so much time dealing with her diva antics and, in turn, trying to soothe Grant [Bowler]’s battered ego,” a source blathers to Star.

And while numerous glam shots have been released showing LiLo channeling Liz in period outfits, a spy tells the tab that “the footage so far has been just awful.” While TMZ reports Lifetime producers are worried, they’re also waging the biopic will be the network’s most-watched program ever.

MEET THE NEW TERESA

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Therapy’s For Meatballs

By Trisha B.

TONIGHT WE MEET A NEW TERESA. This Teresa is still clueless and dumb as a rock, but she shows glimmers of insight.

It seems to dawn on her that, like Danielle, if everyone hates her maybe there’s no reason for her to be on the show. She knows Housewives have become disposable.

FUTURE THUGS OF AMERICA

Should Karen Klein’s Windfall Fund A School For Wayward Sociopaths?

By Elizabeth C.

OUTRAGE OVER THE ABUSE ENDURED BY SCHOOL BUS MONITOR KAREN KLEIN is now morphing into shock over the $546,595 (and climbing) crowdraised on the social media site IndieGoGo on her behalf.

The sickening video uploaded June 19 captures four seventh grade — take your pick — devils, vermin, sociopaths, scum -verbally assaulting a 68-year-old Greece Central School District employee. Authorities aren’t releasing the boys’ names but the original YouTube upload alleges the abusers are Luis Recio, Wesley Helm, Brandon Teng and Joshua Slesakcan. The boys slam Klein 21 times for being “fat” or a “fat ass,” call her a troll six times, threaten to go to her home and pee on her door and come in her mouth, and mock her for being poor.

TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES

Robert Randolph V. John Travolta & The Take Away Lesson

By Elizabeth C.

AS ‘YO MOMMA’ ALWAYS SAID, IT’S NOT WHERE YOU SUCK SCHLONG BUT WHO’S SCHLONG YOU SUCK THAT MATTERS MOST.

Take the case of Robert Randolph vs. John Travolta, for example. Randolph is the admitted bath house regular who claims to have witnessed the A-list actor wielding his very important pole all over Hollywood’s gay bath houses. He wrote a book detailing his allegations, but You’ll Never Spa in This Town Again never gained much traction with the public. Now Randolph is suing Travolta and his pitbull attorney Marty Singer alleging they libeled him while smearing his name to todiscourage book retailers.

PIONEER FOR WOMEN

Mum To World’s First “Test Tube Baby” Dies

By Elizabeth C.

LESLEY BROWN, HE MOTHER OF THE FIRST “TEST-TUBE BABY,” died earlier this month in a hospital in Bristol, England. She was 64.

Brown was the first woman ever to successfully deliver a child with the help of in vitro fertilization, a medical breakthrough that has since enabled nearly four million women with fertility problems to conceive children of their own. On July 25th, 1978, Brown delivered daughter Louise, whose embryo was concocted in a laboratory petri dish. Her pregnancy and birth provoked such intense public interest that a reporter faked a bomb threat to try to gain access to her hospital room.

“It was just mind-boggling,” Dr. Anthony Wakim, director of assisted reproductive technologies at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, told MSNBC. “To my mind it was almost science fiction. It was very far fetched.”

HAVE AN OREO

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Bitch Ate My Bow!

By Trisha B.

DAINTY LUNCHEON COCKTAILS were not enough liquid courage for the ladies, so they had to take Alexis to a foreign country to tell her what a stuck-up bitch she is; a diamond engagement ring in a shell is enough to finally make Tamra clam up; and, after 15 years and four kids, Heather has taken her husband’s last name and that means it’s time for an O.C par-tay.

Tonight, it’s a lovely evening in Orange County as we see the twinkling lights of neighboring houses lining the hills.

NEWS IN SHORT

Whack Wednesday: Microsoft (Memba It?) Surfaces, ‘Rudy Huxtable’ Disavows Rumors & Bert & Ernie Still Aren’t Getting Married

By Miz J

FANS OF THE SQUEAKY CLEAN HUXTABLE CLAN REJOICE! Keisha Knight-Pulliam is NOT joining the case of Real Housewives of Atlanta, despite a rumor circling the Internet yesterday.

THE DRONE ZONE

Why Does Montgomery County, Texas, Need A Drone?

By Elizabeth C.

MONTGOMERY COUNTY, TEXAS, situated 40 miles north of Houston in the state’s southeast corner, is home to an estimated 462,000 people, 80 percent of whom are white.

The county is the 24th fastest growing county in the U.S., according to the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office, and the influx of new residents has reportedly pushed up crime. Rapes jumped to 53 in 2009, up from 41 in 2008; aggravated assaults climbed from from 525 to 811 over the same period. Yet only six murders were committed in 2009 compared to eight in 2008. Any crime is bad news but it’s seem safe to say that Montgomery isn’t suffering a crime wave of epic proportions.

Compare those numbers to crime in Chicago, where 458 murders and 15,727 aggravated assaults were reported in 2009.

Now guess which area’s law enforcement agency has a drone? If you guessed Chicago, you’re wrong.

A MANY SPLINTERED THING

Love, Celebrity Style

Bobby Brown Remarries, Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis Split & Rihanna Lusts After Katy Perry?

By Elizabeth C.

IF AT FIRST YOU FAIL AT LOVE, CELEBRITY’S MOTTO IS TO TRY, TRY AGAIN. What’s the harm in that, albeit whopping lawyer bills and 50 percent of your marital estate? But who’s counting when new love on the horizon. Thus, today’s news is all about the eternal hope for lasting love. And so we congratulate Bobby Brown on his Hawaii betrothal. The notorious “bad boy” tied the knot Monday with his manager and lover, Alicia Etheredge. The couple are parents to 3-year-old Cassius. Brown was famously married to singer Whitney Houston with whom he had a wildly dysfunctional relationship.