UNSPOKEN MOTIVES

Mad Men: Bite Me

By Miz J

TONIGHT’S SHOW IS DUBBED DARK SHADOWS, a sly reference to the world’s most awesome sci-fi soap opera. Featuring parallel universes, heads in boxes and vampires long before Twilight, Dark Shadows was the show that every pudgy middle schooler wearing purple (i.e., me) could not miss.

But the 70s vampire only shares “bite” in common with tonight’s episode as Don cranks up his competitve drive, Roger hunts for a clientele, and Sally discovers a dark secret.

COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

The Tragedy Of John Travolta

By Elizabeth C.

CYNICAL AS HIS REASONS MIGHT BE, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA TOOK THE RISKY STEP this week of declaring gays ought to have the right to marry. Though his declaration is merely symbolic, his stance comes the same week a USA Today/Gallup poll shows that a majority of Americans approve of same-sex marriage.

The country’s zeitgeist on gay rights makes John Travolta’s current contretemps seem all that more tragic. So far, four men have stepped forward to accuse the Pulp Fiction star and Scientologist of predatory sexual behavior.

WASTED LIVES

Former Gang Member Guilty Of Killing Jennifer Hudson’s Family

By Elizabeth C.

A CHICAGO JURY FOUND WILLIAM BALFOUR GUILTY OF MURDERING THE MOTHER, BROTHER AND NEPHEW OF OSCAR-WINNING SINGER AND ACTRESS JENNIFER HUDSON.

The guilty verdict came Friday night, only an hour after the judge received a message that three jurors remained unswayed of Balfour’s guilt. Jennifer Hudson wept at the announcement; Balfour was unmoved.

TO BE CONTINUED

Judge Refuses To Toss Out Charges Against John Edwards

By Elizabeth C.

A FEDERAL JUDGE HAS REFUSED TO THROW OUT CHARGES AGAINST JOHN EDWARDS FOR ALLEGEDLY accepting nearly a $1 million in campaign donations to hide his extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter.

The defense team for the North Carolina democrat asked the judge to dismiss the case against Edwards after prosecutors rested their case Thursday. Defense attorneys argued that the prosecution failed to prove Edwards violated federal campaign law funding laws. The motion to dismiss is routine in criminal trials, and it’s no surprise that U.S. District Court Judge Catherine C. Eagles ruled that defense would begin presenting its case Monday.

Once testimony wraps up, it’ll be interesting to see how the jury rules following the testimony by

ON THE ROPES

The Pauly D Project: Definitely Not Fat Man Friendly

By Karen Malmquist

THOSE WHO SAY The Pauly D Project ISN’T THRILLING CLEARLY MISSED THURSDAY’S episode. After a nice little trip home to Rhode Island, the boys head back to Vegas, and spirit is among them. But their first mission: go zip-lining!

GOSSIP TO GO GO

Love Celebrity Style: Rihanna Cuts Ties, Kanye Croons About Kim (Again) & John Travolta Rages

By Elizabeth C.

RIHANNA DUMPS BAD BOY CHRIS BROWN ON TWITTER, KANYE CROONS ABOUT MARRYING KIM, AND JOHN TRAVOLTA DECLARES WAR ON HIS MASSEUR ACCUSERS. Let’s explore stars trysts’ and turns with love celebrity style.

Just days after sending birthday wishes to her abuser over Twitter, Rihanna unfollowed Chris Brown on Twitter after he released a mix of Kanye’s Way Too Cold with lyrics presumably aimed at her.

JOINING THE CIRCUS

Britney’s In As Judge On X Factor

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S OFFICIAL: Britney Spears has signed on as judge of The X Factor for a cool $15 million a year.

The contract makes her the second-highest paid primetime performer on TV, according to StarPulse, but still far behind syndicated jurist Judge Judy who brings in a whopping $45 million annually.

Simon Cowell has been shopping for a high-profile judge to compete with The Voice‘s Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green and American Idol‘s Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler.

“They finally came to terms,” a source told Us in mid April. “It was a long negotiation . . . Britney was a natural fit.” The popster joins L.A. Reid and Cowell as talent judges.

ASK A MAN

Jon Hamm (Sort Of) Gives Teenage Girls Permission To Fart In Front Of Boyfriends

By Elizabeth C.

WHAT WOULD DON DRAPER DO IF HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE MEGAN ASS BLASTED GAS inside Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce?

That’s a trick question, because the women of Mad Men don’t fart.

Oh sure, Roger could get away with it, and Pete would brag about it. And Don? Don’s emissions would be memorialized in an eponymous tumblr account. He’s just that fucking cool. But the women of Mad Men don’t fart.

SCENE STEALER?

Did Anna Wintour Fear Kim Kardashian Would Steal The Spotlight?

By Elizabeth C.

DID ANNA WINTOUR BANISH KIM KARDASHIAN FROM THE Costume Institute Gala? Oh what delicious gossip wrapped in irony.

Tongues are wagging that the Dragon Lady, otherwise known as the editor of Vogue, refused the reality star an invite to the lavish fashion fundraiser held Monday night. The annual spectacle of stars attracts a bevvy of A-listers, and this year’s luminaries included Beyonce, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tom Brady and Gisele. Also in attendance: Kim candy Kanye West, who went noticeably stag. And there’s a reason for that reports RadarOnline.

LET NO MOM PUT ASUNDER

Real Housewives Of Orange County: I’m A Bride…Get Me Out Of Here!

By Trisha B.

GRETCHEN’S LAS VEGAS PERFORMANCE WAS SO AMAZINGLY BAD THAT IT WAS ON THE SOUP! Ha. What was it host Joel McHale said? “Instead of Fever someone should have given her pitch, rhythm or any small semblance of shame.” I love Joel McHale.

Speaking of shameless housewives, Vicki’s lingerie shopping with Tamra. We’re here for a bra fitting for Tamra’s new little titties. What the hell, Vicki decides to have one too. Tamra appreciates having some girl time with Vicki because, she tells us, any free time she has is spent with Brooks. When the saleswoman tells her she’s a 32 D and Vicki’s told she’s an FF, Tamra wonders if she’s using the metric table. She insists her new tiny tits can’t be big ole Ds. But the bra fits. And she likes it. When Vicki comes out of the dressing room she admires her tits as well. Nothing like a good bra fitting.