ULTIMATE ACCESSORY

Credit: The Coveteur

The Decrepit Designer Who Called Adele Fat Loves 3-Year-Old Model

By Linda Seccaspina

ALL OF A SUDDEN IT’S CLEAR WHY KARL LAGERFELD DISMISSES ADELE AS “FAT”: He likes his models young and waifish — in fact, he likes them at three years old.

A year ago model Brad Kroenig had his “mini me” — two-year-old son Hudson, accompany him down the runway for Karl Lagerfield’s Spring 2011 Chanel show.

FINAL JUSTICE

Credit: Chicago Tribune

1940s’ ‘Lipstick Killer’ Dies In Prison Decades After Crimes

By Elizabeth C.

IN 1942, A Chicago Tribune reporter wrote:

“This is the story of how William George Heirens, 17, kidnapped, strangled and then dismembered Suzanne Degnan, 6, last Jan. 7, and distributed the parts of her body in sewer openings near her home. It is the story of how William George Heirens climbed into the apartment of Miss Frances Brown…and shot and stabbed her to death, and left a message on the wall with lipstick imploring the police to catch him…And it is the story of how William George Heirens entered the apartment of Mrs. Josephine Ross…and how he stabbed her to death when she awoke.”

And this is how the story ends in today’s Tribune:

NEW COLA SLOGAN: LIFE ENDS HERE?

Cola’s Caramel-Coloring Chemical Causes Cancer?

By Elizabeth C.

ADD THE CARAMEL COLORING IN COLA TO THE LIST OF INGREDIENTS THAT CAUSE CANCER.

That brings the total of known human carcinogens to 16, 423,654,999, amirite?

Actually, I made that figure up. But we know the list of suspected cancerous agents is long and includes barbeque, PCBs, pet birds and plastic.

WHITEWASHING THE TRUTH

Credit: @EmilyBarnettt

The ‘Sexist’ Laundry Label: Truth Or Proving We’ve Got A Long Way To Go, Baby?

By Elizabeth C.

EMILY BARNETT’S TWITTER ACCOUNT SAYS SHE’S ALWAYS ON A MISSION, and yesterday it was to remind us all that we’ve got a long way to go, baby.

Or, as she put it in Twitterspeak, “#riseupwomen.”

TROUBLE BREWING

Credit:TMZ

Paula Deen & Brother Served Sexual Harassment Lawsuit

By Linda Seccaspina

THE FORMER MANAGER OF A RESTAURANT OWNED BY Food Network’s Paula Deen and her brother is suing the duo claiming Bubba Hiers treated her like a hot and spicy dish.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

Princess Kate’s Naughty Cousin To Shake Her Boom Boom Stateside

By Linda Seccaspina

KATRINA DARLING, THE FOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE stripping cousin of British Royal Kate Middleton is bringing her bump and grind act stateside.

Darling, 21 who still counts her pennies with a banking job at Barclays in London, is the closest thing to porn that the Royal Family will ever have in their court.

CHICAGO HERO

Credit: Dubster.com

Chicago Bureaucrats Get Day Off In Name Of Revolutionary Soldier Of Fortune

By Elizabeth C.

THANKS TO A SOLDIER OF FORTUNE WHO FOUGHT FOR AMERICA 234 YEARS AGO, 100,000 CHICAGO CITY, COUNTY AND SCHOOL EMPLOYEES SLEPT IN LATE TODAY.

“Pulaski Day”‘ is an official holiday in Chicago in memory of Casimir Pulaski, a Polish nobleman renown for his military courage and cunning. He was a member of a Polish military group that fought to overthrow occupying Russian troops in the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth from 1968 through 1771. But he was forced to flee his country after being declared an enemy of the state, and he wound up in France where Benjamin Franklin recommended him to George Washington as a soldier in America’s war against the British.

SHE’S SPECIAL

Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Marlo Enslaves The Help

By Karen Malmquist

THE LADIES HAVE BARELY SETTLED BACK HOME FROM THEIR African adventure when one of their sons finds himself in the slammer again. Feels good to be home! But first let’s rewind to the show’s opening.

The Housewives are preparing to leave Africa. Marlo waits until the morning of the flight to pack. And by pack, I mean force a poor resort employee to load her things for her while she lounges around and gives him specific instructions of how to use her Louboutins. What a gem, that one.

TOO SOON?

Oprah Scores First Interview With Whitney’s Daughter Bobbi Kristina: Is She Ready To Talk?

By Linda Seccaspina

OPRAH HAS LANDED AN UPCOMING INTERVIEW WITH Whitney Houston’s only child, 19-year-old Bobbi Kristina.

Promoted as a tribute on Oprah’s Next Chapter, the exclusive will air on the Oprah Winfrey Network March 11 and smells of sensationalism and opportunism. Bobbi Kristina is reported to be wrestling with her own addiction issues and sources told tabloids that she’s emotionally traumatized by the death of her mother.

ON THE RIM

Dallas Mavs About-Face On Tough Love To Lamar: Rescind Demotion To D-League

By Linda Seccaspina & Elizabeth C.

JUST A DAY AFTER NEWS BROKE THAT KHLOE KARDASHIAN’S HUSBAND Dallas Mavericks forward Lamar Odom was being demoted to the Mavericks D-League, ESPN reports that Odom will instead help the Mavericks score against the Utah Jazz tonight.