Don’t Call ‘Blue Ivy’ Bitch — Call Her A Brand Of Weed

By Elizabeth C.

THE OLD JAY-Z WOULD FIND THIS SWAGGERIFIC; THE NEW JAY-Z, PERHAPS NOT: TMZ reports that medicinal pot shops in California have dubbed a new strain of cannibis ‘OG Blue Ivy’ on honor of the hip hop master’s new daughter.

HE BLUFFED US

Ricky Gervais Pulls A Bait & Switch

By Elizabeth C.

RICKY GERVAIS PULLED THE OL’ SWITCH AND BAIT: He promised prime ribbing but instead served cheap cuts.

“Phew! Thank fuck that’s over,” Gervais wrote in his first post-Golden Globes blog post.

Peewww is more like it.

VISION QUEST

Credit: NimaTaradjiPhotography.com

Eyes Wide Shut

A STREET PERSON NAPS BEHIND THE BUS STOP AT ADAMS AND WABASH IN CHICAGO SUNDAY. The siesta was captured by photographer and attorney Nima Taradji, who has a gift for seeing what others miss by choice or design.

Taradji, 45, is a founding member of Margin Gallery and The Chicago Photo Union, both cooperative art associations of Chicago’s established and/or emerging artists.

To see more of his black-and-white photos shot after the city’s first significant snowstorm and during an excursion with ChicagoPhotographer, click inside.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOPE AND DOPES

Real Housewives of Atlanta: If Looks Could Kill

By Karen Malmquist

THE CLAWS STAYED RETRACTED ON Sunday’s Real Housewives of Atlanta, when longtime frenemies-turned-enemies Kim and NeNe are forced to confront each other over dinner. Pity.

REVENGE FOR THE 99 PERCENT

Credit: Finlay Mackay For Time

Ricky Gervais Occupies Hollywood! Stars Gird Loins In Prep For Golden Globes

By Elizabeth C.

AS HOLLYWOOD ELITES GIRD THEIR LOINS FOR RICKY GERVAIS’ HOSTING OF THE 69TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES, the public salivates in waiting.

“I don’t really care who his targets are,” one commenter remarked at Entertainment Weekly. “I will just sit back and enjoy the carnage.”

Check out Ricky Gervais Cuts Up With A Sharp Tongue At Golden Globes: A Transcript Of Opening

SOMETHING’S CHANGED

Jersey Shore: Light Fingers & Dark Hearts

By Karen Malmquist

AFTER LAST WEEK’S BLOW-UP between Snooki, the Unit, and the Situation, Mike decides to confuse the guidos by playing nice.

The gang parties at the Aztec, but then gets soaked while running home through the rain. Once inside, Mike and Jionni begin cooking breakfast for each other and borrowing each other’s clothes. “We share girls, why can’t we share underwear?” says The Sitch.

PSA

New Study Revives Old Debate: Are Deodorants Contributing To Breast Cancer?

By Elizabeth C.

WE INTERRUPT THE USUAL BLATHER TO DELIVER A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: It might be time to go smelly. A new study raises questions about whether deodorants contribute to breast cancer.

MORE FODDER TO SELL

Who’s Khloe’s Daddy? Bruce Loves Cross-Dressing? It’s Hard Keeping Up With The Kardashians

By Karen Malmquist

FINALLY! The Kardashians are catching some headlines! Although it’s been speculated (and harshly joked about) for years, new allegations about Khloe’s paternity have surfaced — as well new claims of Bruce Jenner’s cross-dressing — and this time they come from former Kardashians.

FOUL BUSINESS

YouTube Video Shows Marines Peeing On Afghan Dead

By Elizabeth C.

WAR IS HELL, BUT DID YOU KNOW IT LEADS SOLDIERS TO spray “golden showers” on the corpses of enemies? Now you know.

Someone posted a video today of four U.S. Marines standing above three corpses while two soldiers urinated on the dead. NBC reports the soldiers are members of a sniper team based at Camp Lejeune, N.C. deployed to Afghanistan in 2011.

WTF

Whack Wednesday: Blue Ivy’s Swag, Joran Van Der Sloot’s Fake Remorse & Justin Timberlake’s Treachery

By Miz J

IN CASE YOU ERRANTLY THOUGHT THAT Beyonce and Jay-Z would downplay the birth of daughter Blue Ivy Carter, here’s some more news about Jesus’ cool new baby sister: Turns out Blue’s living better in her first week of life than you have in all your years. Girlfriend is drooling and shitting all over a $3,000 Lucite crib. Will be chillin’ three times daily in a $15,000 Swarovski-studded high chair. Waiting to learn how to sit up so she can ride her $600,000 rocking horse.