AVERTING DISASTER

Credit: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin

The World Can Rest: Cher Is Not Dead

By Linda Seccaspina

WHAT A SICK WORLD WE LIVE IN! A Twitter hoaxster spread the rumor that the iconic Cher had died, setting off pandemonium in Tweetville. Even the lying liar Kim Kardashian retweeted the lie.

PUPPET PROPAGANDA

Fox Picks Fight With “Left-Wing” Muppets; Muppets Win

By Kenny Sibbitt

IF YOU HAD ANY DOUBT THAT FOX NEWS WOULD PICK A FIGHT WITH ANYONE OR ANYTHING THEY CONSIDER LIBERAL, YOU GOT YOUR ANSWER when Fox Business News blasted the Muppets for being part of the left-wing conspiracy to destroy America.

The evidence: a puppet named “Tex Richman” depicting a greedy oilman in the the latest Muppets movie.

REUNION RECAP

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Reunion: Hoof-In-Mouth Disease

By Trisha B.

ANOTHER REUNION, ANOTHER SEASON DOWN. Andy, the giddy and goofy king, holds court in the middle of a Housewife semicircle. The queens, er…ladies, dressed to the nines, are arrayed on either side of him. They’re in another garishly decorated hotel ball/conference room, waiting to rehash all the horrid things they’ve said behind each other’s backs.

SPILLING SECRETS

Credit: Splash

Christina Aguilera Has A Dripping Disaster

By Linda Seccaspina

THERE’S NEW BUZZ ABOUT Christina Aguilera’s burlesque outing at Etta James funeral last Saturday. Wags are agog about everything from her ‘Secretary Porn’ outfit to her overkill performance. And now comes new speculation: what was that brown liquid that dripped down her right her leg while she sang James’ signature song, At Last?

PREGAME SHOW

Here’s David Beckham’s Hard Sell For H&M Tidy Whities

Staff

SUNDAY’S SUPERBOWL PARTY ON NBC PROMISES SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY: Madonna at halftime, Ferris Bueller for the Generation Xers and now — a near-naked David Beckham for the girlfriends and wives.

L.A.’s Galaxy’s taut tatooed midfielder flexes near-naked in a commercial for Swedish clothier H&M as The Animals’ 1965 hit Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood.

PROMISES TO KEEP

Credit: The Hollywood Reporter

Brangelina’s Kids Are Pressuring Them To Put A Ring On It

By Kenny Sibbitt

BRADD PITT ADMITS HE WANTS TO MARRY LONG-TIME GIRLFRIEND Angelina Jolie soon despite once declaring the couple would not wed until gay marriage is legalized in the US.

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Pitt says making that final commitment means a lot to his brood of six.

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED

The Writing’s On The Wall: Google’s Got A PR Problem

By Elizabeth C.

USED TO BE THE PO PO WERE THE TARGET OF GRAFFITI ARTISTS. But a new painting on a New York bridge reveals fears about a more sophisticated power: Google.

The above painting was snapped by Jeff Rogers of PaidContent.org on the Pulaski bridge connecting Brooklyn and Queens. Note the O’s are surveillance cameras. Adjacent is the message, “Stop SOPA.”

TALLS VS. SMALLS

Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Tribal Warfare

By Karen Malmquist

IT’S THE TALLS VERSUS THE SMALLS ON SUNDAY’S Real Housewives of Atlanta. On part one of their big trip to Africa, the ladies put their phones to use and filmed each other on the 16-hour plane ride, which seemed doomed from the get-go when each brought enough luggage to last an entire month.

Their first several moments in the Motherland are spent hauling their bags through the Capetown airport. As a little glimpse of what I’m sure will be a vacation full of screaming, Marlo gives the ladies a little etiquette lesson.

OPEN SECRETS

Credit: WireImage

Brad Pitt & Angelina Have A Google Privacy Problem

By Linda Seccaspina

BRAD PITT AND HIS LONGTIME LOVE ANGELINA JOLIE have a mutual understanding when it comes to their kids’ cyber education: the famous parents of Maddox, Zahara , Shiloh, Pax, Knox and Vivienne told the German Magazine Bild that they’ve blocked their names on Google.

RAPPING KIM

Snoop Dogg Calls Kim Kardashian “Cold Blooded” & Other Vulgarities

LET’S HEAR SNOOP DOGG CALLS KRIS HUMPHRIES’ A “DUMBASS” FOR LETTING HIMSELF BE PLAYED by Kim Kardashian.