THE BUTT OF JOKES

Kim Kardashian’s Sham Marriage Makes A Catchy Country Tune

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S OFFICIAL: KIM KARDASHIAN’S EARLY ABORTED MARRIAGE is the stuff of overwrought Country love songs.

If Saturday Night Live‘s cutting spoof of the reality star’s divorce wasn’t proof enough that shame has darkened the house of Kardansia, then check out last night’s skewering on the Country Music Awards by Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood and Modern Family star Eric Stonestreet.

AN ACCOUNTING

Ex Cop Spied On Prince William, 152 Notables, For Murdoch Newspaper

PRINCE WILLIAM TOPS THE LIST OF CELEBRITIES WHO WERE SPIED ON BY the slithering editorial staff at Rupert Murdoch’s now-defunct News Of The World.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM

Whack Wednesday: The Duggars’ 20th, Mariah’s Weight Loss & Spencer Pratt’s Regret

By Miz J

IF YOU HEARD THE NEWS THAT EARTH’S HUMAN POPULATION just reached 7 billion and thought that the Duggars were somehow to blame, I can confirm they are.

DOING GOOD

Room To Read’s Founder Exports Hope For The Future

By Elizabeth C.

I KNOW, I KNOW: I should be writing today about Mariah’s weight loss (was it 30 lbs or 70 lbs.?), or Brett Ratner’s fishy tales about Olivia Munn or Rachel’s “first time” with Finn. But none of those topics satisfy as much as the story about John Wood’s 12,000 libraries.

ONE PERCENTERS SHOWING OFF

Lichtenstein’s “Peephole” Sells For Record $43 Million

By Elizabeth C.

AMONG THE COUNTLESS WAYS THE RICH ARE DIFFERENT is the exasperating ease with which they can spend millions for a rare, OOAK piece by a modern master.

Someone from the One Percent sprayed their status all over the art world last night, dropping $43 million for Roy Lichtenstein’s 1961 painting, “I Can See the Whole Room!…And There’s Nobody in It!”

TROUBLING EXAMPLES

Today Enables Baby-Hoarding Duggars, Announces 20th Kid On Way

OH JOY, THE PRETERNATURALLY FERTILE MICHELLE DUGGAR AND her baby-making husband Jim Bob wangled another trip to New York out of NBC’s Today show. And all they had to do was conceive their 20th child! Oh, and there’s that book their promoting, but you’ll have to find the title somewhere else.

ERASING TIME

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Time Traveling Wives

By Trisha B.

TONIGHT WE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS AT THE SOIRÉE DUBBED “Paul’s Night of Beauty.” We see Kyle being led back to Adrienne’s husband Paul’s surgical suite. It seems Paul, the facial plastic surgeon, has these nights of fillers and botox every so often so Adrienne’s girlfriends can test out the newest in, let’s say, “maintenance products.” Makes you wonder what kind of parties those rich Beverly Hills gynecologists and proctologists give for their wives’ friends.

LUCKY CHARM

Harper Seven Scores Winning Looks At Daddy’s Soccer Game

WEE HARPER SEVEN IS WIDE-EYED AT THE L.A. GALAXY’S playoff game against Real Salt Lake in the Western Conference final Sunday. David Beckham’s team won 3-1 and advances to the MLS Cup finals on Nov. 20. The four-month-old doll “looked awestruck by the action on the field,”

POOR BABY

Mariah Yeater Parades Justin’s So-Called Love Baby For The Cameras

By Elizabeth C.

MARIAH YEATER TURNS UP THE HEAT ON JUSTIN BIEBER, appearing on The Insider to repeat her claims that the popster fathered her baby during a backstage quickie at the L.A. Staples Center last year.

Yeater’s released photos of herself with the baby, Tristyn Anthony Markhouse Yeater, whose sad eyes seem to know she’s already playing him.

BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT

U.S Soldier On Trial For Thrill Kills In Afghanistan

By Elizabeth C.

ONE OF THE MOST HORRIFIC FOOTNOTES IN AMERICA’S WAR IN AFGHANISTAN IS currently on display in a military courtroom in Washington state.

There, U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Calvin Gibbs is on trial for the coldblooded murder of three unarmed Afghan citizens and 13 other offenses.