DEFLATING RUMORS

An Interview With Beyonce’s Baby Bump

By Shakenya Jackson

IT’S BEEN A HELLA WEEK FOR BEYONCE. For the second time in her career, she’s been accused of stealing key elements of a dance routine, this time for her new video Countdown. Then in an even odder turn of events the Bootylicious former lead of Destiny’s Child is accused of faking her pregnancy.

MONEY MATTERS

The Price Of Kim Kardashian’s Wedding In Perspective

SO THE MOTHER OF ALL WEDDINGS AIRED THIS WEEK. That’s right. We’re talking Kim Kardashian. And at a rumored cost of $10,000,000 of course it was a spectacle.

This money coach was morbidly fascinated by the price tags of the elements of the grand event:

DEADLY FUN

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: The Hunger Games

By Trisha B.

WE OPEN IN THE KITCHEN OF LISA’S BREATHTAKING MANSION WHERE she’s prepping for a dinner party. After instructing her housekeeper on properly setting the table, she actually cooks something.

I only see two salads, one potato and one green, but she did make them with her own hands. While she cooks Ken putters around with Giggy in his arms. Lisa’s dressed in my favorite outfit, jeans and a white shirt, but looks fabuloso.

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’

It’s Official: Chet Haze Is Hollywood

By Elizabeth C.

TOM HANKS’ EMBARRASSING SON, THE ONE WHO’S DESPERATE to launch a music career, has upped his game — by which I mean video quality — in his latest offering. Check it out.

In just nine months, Chet “Haze” Hanks has gone from wannabe rapper adapting Wiz Khalifa’s Black and Yellow into anthem for his college of choice, “Northwestern University — to a wannabe Justin Timberlake singing about Hollywood’s lies.

FAKE

Credit: Albert Michael/startraksphoto.com

Kardashian’s Made-For-TV Wedding Is Canned Cheese

By Karen Malmquist

WE FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE SPECTACLE OF AMERICA’S FAKE ROYAL COUPLE — Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries — getting married. Yes, she’s only a reality star, but Kim Kardashian is as famous as Beyonce or Lady Gaga minus the whole talent thing. We’ve watched her last five years unfold before our eyes beginning with her “O” face on her famous sex tape, her mascara-laden “ugly” faces on her show, to all the times we watched her mother sell her. Now we get to see her marry the man of her reality dreams, NBA basketball player Kris Humphries. Sorry, Ray J.

LOVE CELEBRITY STYLE

Kim & Kris Marry Again! Sir Paul Betroths His Lady Love & Ashton Kutcher Atones For His Sins

KIM KARDASHIAN MARRIES AGAIN! Only this time the fake wedding is televised. Sir Paul McCartney says says says “I Do” for a third time. And Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher practice primal therapy in the woods. Welcome to love celebrity style!

AUTHENTIC ITALIAN

Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale: Overdone

By Karen Malmquist

JUST WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE GOING SWELL between the Gorgas and Teresa, the new cookbook stirs up enough drama for Caroline to question her friendship with Teresa.

THE WAY THEY WERE

The Latest ‘Breaking’ Buzz On Ashton & Demi

By Elizabeth C.

A SECRET SOURCE WHO REFERS TO DEMI AS “MISS MOORE” ALLEGEDLY DISHED TO THE Daily Mail that the actress wants out of her marriage to cheating beau toy Ashton Kutcher.

“Miss Moore has been totally humiliated,” the mystery source reportedly told the British tab. “On Friday, therefore, she consulted a lawyer about getting a divorce. This is a huge and very tough decision for Miss Moore to take. But her trust has been shattered.”

‘KNOCKING ON HEAVEN’S DOOR’

Steve Jobs Is Not God, But Heaven Uses The iPad

By Elizabeth C.

THE NEW YORKER’S OCT. 17 COVER DEPICTS STEVE JOBS being checked into heaven by an iPad-wielding angel, provoking one wit at Boing Boing to ask, “Wasn’t it Moses who had the tablets?”

Breakfast At Tiffany’s & The Prize At The Bottom Of This Crackerjack

By Elizabeth C.

WE’VE BEEN REMISS IN NOT NOTING THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF Breakfast At Tiffany’s, whose legacy by no coincidence has left its mark here at ‘Crabby Golightly.’

The 1961 movie based on Truman Capote’s novella was celebrated this week for its lingering touch on pop culture. As played by the elegant Audrey Hepburn, Holly Golightly personified pizazz in her little black dress, her fake pearls, her gobs of mascara.