CRAZY UP CLOSE

Taking Crazy On The Road: Bravo Announces Real Housewives 3-City Tour

By Trisha B.

OMG, THERE’S A TOUR. Yup, a mixed bag of reality nuts from all the different Real Housewives‘ franchises will be joining each other and hitting different stops across the U.S. this fall.

KIM, SHE FOUGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE SHALLOW

Gloria Steinem Labels Kim Kardashian A Step Back For Women

Staff

GLORIA STEINEM DISMISSES THE TV REALITY STAR KIM KARDASHIAN as an adorning victim of sexism.

FANBOY?

Justin Bieber Fever Lands Florida Man In Jail

Staff

A FLORIDA MAN WAS STILL LOCKED UP THIS MORNING AFTER ABSCONDING WITH A CUTOUT JUSTIN BIEBER from a Bradenton mall Saturday.

David Dowling and an underaged friend were popped after they snatched the lifesized Biebs inside an F.Y.E. store and then ran with it through a Sears, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Department.

MEANING IS MISSING

The Kids Are Not All Right: A Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap

By Karen Malmquist

THE NEVER-ENDING HOLIDAYS ARE FINALLY OVER FOR THE Real Housewives of New Jersey. For Teresa, now’s time to get the family back on their feet. The Giudices all get together to take family photos for Teresa’s new cookbook, Fabulicious.

THE STUFF OF LEGEND

The Girl Who Bid The Nazis Adieu: Allied Spy Nancy Wake Dies

Staff

FEW OF US LEAD LIVES AS INSPIRED AS NANCY WAKE, WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF 98 after having worked as an anti-Nazi spy during World War II.

IT’S EVOLUTIONARY, WATSON

Researchers Say Symmetrically Beautiful Are More Selfish

Staff

HERE’S ANOTHER REASON TO HATE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE:

FACE FORWARD

Vamping It Up: Kristen Stewart In W

By Elizabeth C.

PITY THE ACTRESS WHO ONLY WANTS ACCLAIM for talent and gets swept up in fame.

Kristen Stewart’s been wrestling that demon ever since being propelled into supernova stratosphere as the conflicted Bella in the Twilight vampire series.

THE RISE

There Oughta Be A Law: Cow That Escapes Slaughterhouse Should Get Permanent Reprieve

By Elizabeth C.

I JUST MADE UP THIS NEW FEATURE IN WHICH we suggest laws through which our emotionally and spiritually bereft lawmakers can redeem themselves in sad eyes. And our first suggestion: anytime a cow consciously and wilfully escapes a slaughterhouse said cow should be immediately and forever granted reprieve from the death chamber.

LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH

SmushVille©: A Jersey Shore Recap

By Karen Malmquist

WITH THE IMAGE OF DEENA AND PAULY PLAYING TONSIL HOCKEY still lodged in our minds, it’s time for another episode of Jersey Shore, la dolce vita. We pick up where we left off at the discotech, where Pauly tells Snooki he’s worried that if he and Deena smush, there might be feelings and he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.

LATE EDITION

Whack Wednesday!

Gloria Steinem Still Does Not Like Hef’s Playbunnies, Nothing Compares To Today’s Sinead O’Connor, And Is Spoiled Food The New Survivalists’ Chic?

By Miz J

ARE YOU GUYS PLANNING TO WATCH NBC’s The Playboy Club this fall? Because Gloria Steinem’s not. And I can’t say I blame her.