PSA

And Now A Message From Harvard Lawyer Alan Dershowitz

WORD.

FURRY CHILDREN

Confirmed: Women Love Cats And Vice Versa

THE 83RD ACADEMY AWARDS? All just a bit ho hum. John Galliano’s “I love Hitler” slur? Not how I want to start off Monday morning.

Rather, give me cats! -the fuzzy, friendly, manipulative furry children of women.

A study from the University of Vienna and the Konrad Lorenz Research Station has confirmed numerically what we already knew anecdotally: women love cats, and cats love women.

“Female owners have more intense relationships with their cats than do male owners,” University of Vienna’s Manuela Wedl tells Discovery News.

THE GREAT KISS-OFF

Sheenpocalypse Then: The Meltdown, Part Two

THE JOLT OF ADRENALINE THAT RACED THROUGH THE CHATTERING CLASSES AFTER CHARLIE SHEEN’s self-inflicted celebrity-cide is waning. The shock is fading; exhaustion is seeping in.

Or maybe that’s just me after spending too, too many hours documenting every um and ah that Sheen dropped during his 18-minute cherry bomb on the Alex Jones Show. Wasn’t that very servicey of me!

No doubt millions of words have already been spilled on Sheen’s spectacular flameout on the conspiracy theorist’s radio program. (Coincidence? I think not!) But the ones that we’ll remember most are those thrown down by the poet with magic fingertips.

We earlier published the first half of Sheen’s conversation with Jones. Here’s the second and final part of that wild ride:

PART ONE

Sheenpocalypse Now: Transcript Of A Meltdown

THE SPECTACULAR DISPLAY OF CHARLIE SHEEN’S “WINNING” MEGALOMANIA on the Alex Jones Show wins the award for crazy.

Manic, stuttering, sputtering, the actor revealed himself to be wildly audacious, defiant, irreverent, wreckless, anti-Semitic, — a “celebratory nihilist” obsessed with the Vietnam War movie Apocalypse Now.

In a word, breathtaking. And it was a show that Charlie was only too happy to deliver to us nameless ugly schmucks. So here for your incomprehending pleasure is part one of the complete transcript of Charlie’s explosive interview.

HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE

Denise Richards Conspires To Become A Housewife And Other Bravo Blather

SI WAS THINKING, HMMMM. There’s been a lot of buzz lately that Denise Richards, ex-wife of the porndog pariah Charlie Sheen, would just love to join Giggy and the gals. Well, what are her qualifications?

SWASHBUCKING STATESMAN

George Clooney For President? You Must Be High

By Elizabeth C.

YOU FORGOT THE REQUISITE WIFE, GEORGE!

Hollywood dreamboat George Clooney says he’s ruled out a run for political office, telling Newsweek, “I f-ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth.”

But surely such a colorful past only precludes Clooney from becoming president; George still could still run for the governorship of California once he got the whole presidency issue ironed out. Spending so much in the clay hills of Italy might be problematic.

TICK TOCK

This Just In: Oprah & Rosie Are Feuding. Also, Rain Is Wet

By Elizabeth C.

ROCK, MEET HARD PLACE.

A spy is squealing to Popeater‘s Rob Shuter that the all-powerful O and her new fiery underling Rosie O’Donnell are feuding over Rosie’s new show on OWN.

IN THE NICK OF TIME

The Fixer Is In: Chicago’s Mayor Elect Rahm Emanuel Faces Daunting Challenges

By Elizabeth C.

THE POLITICAL FIXER WILL HAVE HIS HANDS FULL IN CHICAGO.

Rahm Emanuel inherits a city staggering under a $654 million budget deficit and a $23 billion unfunded city workers’ pension, a shrinking population and few obvious options for new tax revenue.

“What comes next is a bunch of ugly,” Ralph Martire, executive director of the bipartisan Center for Tax and Budget Accountability, told the Associated Press.

WEARING IT

WikiLeaks Becomes A Fashion Statement

By Elizabeth C.

WIKILEAKS IS MAKING FREE SPEECH A FASHION STATEMENT. The secrets-busting organization is now selling T-shirts and other gear to help finance its operation.

DEJA VU

Graphic:IAMBRENTT.TUMBLR.COM

The Franchise Has A Familiar Face: Meet The Real Housewives of Miami

By Karen Malmquist

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES FRANCHISE FINALLY HIT MIAMI, opening with the typical charity gala every Real Housewife seems obligated to host. And, as with every Housewives series premiere, it’s only a matter of minutes before the first catfight breaks out.