Johnny Depp’s Having A Gay Time Dissing Disney To Vanity Fair

By Elizabeth C.

JOHNNY DEPP FEEDS CROW TO DISNEY STUDIOS in an upcoming Vanity Fair interview.

The fan favorite reveals to rocker-cum-writer Patti Smith that the movie studio’s brass hated his portrayal of pirate Jack Sparrow in the original Pirates Of The Caribbean.

“They couldn’t stand him,” says Depp, with then-CEO Michael Eisner going so far as to say Depp was “ruining the movie.”

DON’T BE CAUGHT DOING EVIL

The European Union Takes A Swing At Behemoth Google

By Elizabeth C.

THE WEB’S OVERLORD GOOGLE IS FINALLY BEING CALLED ON THE CARPET.

DEAL OF THE DAY

Groupon’s Mum On Rumored Buyout By Google

By Elizabeth C.

GROUPON’S STAYING MUM ON REPORTS THAT THE CHICAGO-BASED online coupon company has been snapped up by Google for an estimated $2.5 billion.

“There’s been no announcement so everything’s been speculation and rumors,” Groupon’s Julie Mossler said Monday evening. “I don’t have anything else to say.

A LAUGH RIOT

This Is Your Brain On Meme: Awkward School Pictures

By Elizabeth C.

AMONG THE WEB’S MOST SELF-PERPETUATING MEMES, AWKWARD IS AWESOME.

There’s the mac daddy of embarrassing photos, Awkward Family Photos, its comical interspecies offspring, Awkward Family Pet Photos, and the ribald riff-off, Awkward Boners.

Now, filling the vacuous void left by the other sites is Awkward School Pictures, ensuring that your embarrassing school photos will live eternally and haunt the rest of your life.

FAMILIAL THEMES

From Pink’s Mouth: “Parents Need To Beat The Crap Out Of Their Kids”

By Elizabeth C.

MAYBE IT’S HORMONES BUT GIRL ROCKER PINK IS POSITIVELY OOZING LUST FOR HER BABY DADDY CAREY HART.

“Did you see him on [the 2010 American Music Awards] red carpet?,” the Philly native gushed on The Billy Bush Show. “God, he looked so good. He’s so handsome.”

The lusty singer revealed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in mid-November that she’s “eating for two” and recently described her hubby as “so excited.”

THE DOCTOR IS US

WikiLeaks’ Diplomatic Cables Puts World Leaders On Couch

Staff

SO FAR, AT LEAST, THE U.S. DIPLOMATIC CABLES SPLASHED across the world’s most prestigious publications thanks to WikiLeaks reveal nothing so much as the personality flaws of the world’s ruling class and in some cases the women that populate their lives.

CUTE

YouTube Darling Pomplamoose Lands Hyundai Deal

Staff

JACK CONTE AND NATALY DAWN have been serving up easy listening covers of songs by Michael Jackson, Earth, Wind & Fire and Beyonce for a couple years on YouTube to minor acclaim. Their cover of Beyonce’s Single Ladies has been watched close to 6 million times, and their rendition of Lady Gaga’s Telephone 5.7 million times.

READY, SET, DECK

Ring In The Holidays With Festive Christmas Wreaths

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR FOR AESTHETES WHO gorge on holiday glitter.

With the bird in the oven and Black Friday beckoning, the high holiday season officially begins. Up next? Creating winter wonderlands with twinkling lights, shiny brites and, if it’s your thing, a jolly round man in red.

To whet your appetite for pretty, here are some seasonal wreaths found on Ebay and Etsy. Above, a gorgeous blue-green wreath offered by Greenchilemama on Etsy. $105.

UNRESOLVED

No Resolution For Parents Of Missing Teen Natalee Holloway

By Elizabeth C.

THERE’S NO RELEASE FROM PURGATORY FOR THE HEARTBROKEN PARENTS OF NATALEE HOLLOWAY AS dental records prove that a jawbone discovered Nov. 12 in Aruba is not that of the missing Alabama teenager.

The bone found by a tourist and turned into staff at the Phoenix Hotel front desk held an attached wisdom tooth — ruling out the possibility that it came from the high school graduate last seen alive five years ago with Dutchman Joran van der Sloot.

HO HO HO

Oprah’s Final Favorite Things: An Orgiastic Bacchanal

By Elizabeth C.

THE HEADLINED BLARED “A FESTIVAL OF GREED IN THE MIDST OF A SEA OF PAIN AND SUFFERING” AND you could forgive me for thinking it was about Oprah’s (never say) final “Favorite Things” show.

Not once, but twice this November sweeps period, television’s capitalistic queen showered her audience with gifts such as iPads and diamonds and cashmere and leather — and even a cruise or a 2012 Volkswagen Beetle — in a final orgiastic display of consumerism during her 25th and last season on commercial TV.