MEAL TICKET

Usher’s Freaking Out About Ex-Wife’s Reality Show?

By Miz J

USHER IS FREAKIN’ OUT, YOU GUYS.

Turns out the mega-watt singer, currently judging on The Voice, isn’t happy that his ex-wife, Tameka Foster, is in talks with VH1 to star in an Atlanta-based version of Hollywood Exes. If you remember, the two had a difficult divorce, fighting over custody of their children, who got what house, followed by Tameka losing her eldest son (from a previous marriage) in a tragic water skiing accident.

“Usher and Tameka don’t get along, and he knows she’ll be happy to talk about his personal life so that she can become the star of the show,” a source blabs to RadarOnline.

CONFESSION TIME

Pretty Little Liars: The Guilty Girl’s Handbook

By Karen Malmquist

AFTER TRYING TO RUN HANNA OVER WITH HER CAR, outing Emily to her parents, and trying to kill Spencer, Mona Van Der Waal just might have made up for all of that on Tuesday’s new Pretty Little Liars.

Emily and her mom are in a motel, and Mrs. Fields is on the phone, explaining what happened to their house. Apparently the car was stolen, and there was no one in the driver’s seat. She’s obviously frustrated, but doesn’t want Emily to miss her college guidance meeting today.

The other three Liars are at Spencer’s, when Mrs. Hastings walks in. She says they pled not guilty on the homicide charges, but the judge isn’t granting bail. Ashley is also being transferred to another jail—in Munsey. Hanna gets mad, and Aria and Spencer follow her as she charges upstairs in a huff.

Side note: Spencer totally looks like she’s been sorted into Gryffindor with the outfit she’s wearing.

OUCH

Julio Cortez/AP Photo

Teresa & Joe Guidice Post $1 Million In Bonds

By Karen Malmquist

THE GIUDICES ARE FREE! For now. Sort of.

This morning the Real Housewives of New Jersey couple surrendered to the federal authorities in their fraud case, and are free on $500 thousand bond each.

But here’s the catch: the two have had to surrender their passports, and are not allowed to leave New Jersey and New York, and have to return to federal court on August 14 to be arraigned. Joe, not being an American citizen, faces possible deportation back to Italy.

IT’S ALL WET

Beware ‘Ghost Shark’ Because If You’re Wet, You’re Dead

SYFY FOLLOWS UP its campy Sharkando with more ridiculousness via the Ghost Shark, a vengeance-seeking predator intent on harming the human race to avenge his murder.

No one’s safe from the spectral man-eating beast: Not bathers idling on ocean floats, not daredevil divers in backyard pools, not bikini-clad girls offering car washes for a good cause.

ACCUSED OF BANK FRAUD

Teresa & Joe Guidice Facing Fate Much Worse Than Wrath Of Caroline Manzo

By Karen Malmquist

CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR TERESA EXPLAIN THIS ONE!

The Guidices are facing up to 50 years in prison if convicted of a long, long, long list of criminal charges.

It isn’t the first time this couple have faced legal problems. Hell, not too long ago, Joe faced 10 years in jail for using his brother’s ID to obtain a driver’s license.

Now, the couple’s got 39 counts of fraud against them.

Although neither of them seem fully capable of forming a complete sentence, the Giudices are accused of withholding information about their net worth in 2009, when they filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. They also managed to “illegally obtain mortgages and other loans from multiple banks by intentionally overestimating their incomes in order to get more money,” according to TMZ.

FOREVER YOUNG

Lea Michele Tweets Cory Monteith ‘Forever’ In Her Heart

GLEE‘S LEA MICHELE TWEETED A SWEET PHOTO OF HERSELF WITH CORY MONTEITH TODAY, while taking time to thank fans for their empathy and support following his death.

“Thank you all for helping me through this time with your enormous love & support,” tweeted Michele, who included the intimate photo of the two TV stars smiling above. “Cory will forever be in my heart.”

LESSER EXPECTATIONS

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Vicki Faces Off With Brooks

By Karen Malmquist

NOW THAT THE WHISTLER TRIP IS OVER, let’s return to normality with the Real Housewives of Orange County. And when I say “normal,” I mean the usual male-centered problems that were put on hold while they were up north.

Gretchen unpacks her bags while telling Slade about Heather’s Malibu Country role and Tamra’s “backstabbing,” and he tells her to just “avoid the negativity.” Seriously, all the husbands seem so done with all their wives’ drama that their go-to is saying “avoid the negativity” because it doesn’t require them to have to listen to everything.

THE DEFINITION OF SCUM

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: The Guido’s Saddam Hussein

By Karen Malmquist

THE BATTLE OF THE JOES RAGES ON AS THE MEN charge at each other, women scream, and a mysterious black substance smears over everyone on the latest Real Housewives of New Jersey.

The poor team leaders who were forced to try and magically fix the estranged family have vanished, as the session goes from semi-productive to WWE Raw in seconds. At one point Joe Gorga’s hat flies off, and Melissa dives to its rescue and places it back on her roughhousing husband’s head. Does not having the hat create an imbalance in his outfit that is simply poison for the eyes? If so, thank you, Melissa, for being so courteous.

PENS TELL-ALL?

So This Is What Jon Gosselin Was Doing In The Woods

By Miz J

REMEMBER THAT SHOW Jon and Kate Plus 8? Back in the days when people with a pathetic half-dozen or so children would be granted a reality show?

Yeah, we barely do, either.

CRASH & BURN

Pretty Little Liars: Caleb Takes Charge

By Karen Malmquist

SINCE ASHLEY MARTIN IS NOW FACING LIFE IN AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT that clashes with her hair, Hanna has been stuck at home, forced to look at herself in the mirror and sigh.

Spencer helps Emily wash dishes, and Emily tells her they need to focus on Hanna. Aria arrives into the kitchen, suggesting they bring her food to help her feel better. Spencer says it’s time to bring out the “big guns” to help Hanna: frosting and a big spoon.

The girls hold hands and say the only way they’ll get through this is together. Meanwhile, Hanna is upstairs, talking on the phone with Caleb. He promises to do everything he can to help her and her friends. He’s got a plan, and it’s going to work. God, don’t we love it when Caleb takes charge? **Swoon**