THE MIRROR HAS THREE FACES

Pretty Little Liars: Leave The Lamb Alone

By Karen Malmquist

IF THERE’S ANYTYHING SUPERHERO MOVIES HAVE TAUGHT US, it’s to never trust the super hot, charming British dude. And on Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars, this has never been more true.

Were we really supposed to believe Wren Kingston, who cheated on Melissa Hastings with her little sister Spencer in the pilot, had good intentions? Come on, people.

Kicking things off, the Liars have ditched school, and now they’re sneaking back in. Can’t you be forced to repeat a year if you’ve skipped a ton of school days? There really are no rules in Rosewood. Emily gets a text from her mom, saying that Mrs. DiLaurentis has offered for the Fields family to stay at her house until theirs is fixed. Is it a nice gesture? Yes, of course. Does Mrs. DiLaurentis come off as a little creepy? Definitely. So it’s no surprise that Emily isn’t crazy about the idea. Hanna urges the reluctant Emily to stay there, since it’ll somehow help them find CeCe Drake. Maybe it’s the mystery buff in me, but I’m still not convinced CeCe is as important to the show as we’re made to believe.

ACCOUNTING FOR RIGHTS & WRONGS

Real Housewives Of Orange County: The Dirty Low-Down

By Karen Malmquist

GRETCHEN ROSSI DONS her nicest JC Penny sale section dress, putS on her biggest earrings, and has her best pageant hair done for the three-part Real Housewives of Orange County reunion. Sure, the other ladies are there, too, but the drama is orbiting directly around her. It’s gotta be the big hair.

Andy Cohen asks Vicki about her divorce from Donn. Or, in this case, lack thereof. She says they’re at a stand-still, which doesn’t make sense until she reveals that if she signs the papers, she’ll have to pay spousal support.

To answer the most important question we were left with this season, yes, Tamra slept on the bed Vicki had just peed on in Mexico. She says she just slept on the other side of said urine, and Vicki adds that all alcohol had exited her body.

OUT OF PLACE

Real Housewives Of Orange County:

By Karen Malmquist

BEFORE VENTURING INTO ORANGE COUNTY TONIGHT for what’s guaranteed to be an explosive reunion, let’s revisit Vicki’s backyard winter wonderland/hell.

Slade and Ryan take the term “d-bag” to a whole new level as they’re confronted by the ladies, and little “Cheeseburger” unleashes her sharp tongue.

FACE TIME

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: She Who Shall Be Called ‘Evil’

By Karen Malmquist

IS JACQUELINE LAURITA THE NEW VILLAIN ON REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY? Probably not, but that’s how Teresa wants her to appear on the latest episode.

According to the soon-to-be-jailed Giudice, Jacqueline’s “crazy” and “evil,” and her bad ways are supposedly about to come to light very, very soon.

In the meantime, Melissa visits Joe at his work site, where he has her try out a giant tractor-y thing, apparently called a backhoe. After almost plowing over her children, Melissa hops out as Joe gets a conveniently-timed phone call from Sizzle Tans, asking them to do a billboard together. Melissa knows better than to “copy” Teresa, who’s done a commercial for them in the past. We all remember Teresa stiffly saying “I tan. I spray. At Sizzle Tans.” on the local ad, and would rather not keep the cycle of humiliation in the family.

ALMOST FAMOUS

AdrienneBalon.com

Deflating Adrienne Bailon

By Karen Malmquist

IF THERE’S A CURE FOR FOOT-IN-MOUTH DISEASE, The Real star Adrienne Bailon needs one.

As she and her co-stars await a pick-up for the new talk show, the former Cheetah Girl is conveniently keeping herself in the gossip headlines. A few weeks ago, it was the fake boyfriend she created to get Rob Kardashian to leave her alone after the break-up. Yesterday, she said Britney Spears “can’t hold a conversation.” Today? The people at Disney compared her to a porn star.

Anything for ratings, right?

INTO THE DEEP

Pretty Little Liars: Eyes Wide Shut

By Karen Malmquist

IT’S MORE MONEY AND MONA PROBLEMS on Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars. If Ashley wants to get out of jail, she’s going to need a serious chunk of change, but when Jenna ends up unconscious in the lake, we’re reminded that Red Coat is out for blood.

Mona is being questioned. She talks about how she snuck out of Radley many times, and explains why she “killed” Wilden. According to her, Wilden was being blackmailed Because she knew he killed Garrett. When the investigator says she could’ve gotten away with the crime if she hadn’t confessed, Mona starts to cry and explains that she can’t let her best friend’s mom go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. When he leaves, Mona stops crying and straightens up. Mona could really channel her psychopathic tendencies into an acting career.

BREAKING BAD

Daft Punk Cancels On The Colbert Report, Colbert Makes Own Luck

By Elizabeth Coady

AN INTERNECINE FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO ‘GET LUCKY,’ or specifically to hear Daft Punk play its disco-fused ode to frucking, forced the French electronica duo Daft Punk to dump its scheduled appearance at The Colbert Report‘s ” “StePhest Colbchella” festival.

Seems MTV had the synth pop duo signed to make a surprise appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards airing August 25. Wanting to protect the rating advantage for its upcoming broadcast, MTV invoked an exclusivity clause, forcing the duo to cancel on Colbert at the last minute.

REVERSING ROLES

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Tupperware Insults & Plastic Weddings

By Karen Malmquist

LOVE — AND NAME-CALLING — ARE IN THE AIR AS The Real Housewives of Orange County prepare to wrap up their eighth (!) season. On the latest episode, Gretchen gets progressive by proposing to Slade, Slade cries, and Vicki rounds up some penguins.

Vicki, with so much time on her hands now, has finally finished redecorating her house. All hints of Donn have disappeared, and she declares this a cause for celebration. Alexis and Lydia, who are over at the house to admire the work Vicki did are informed of her upcoming “Winter Wonderland” party. Although it’s obviously inspired by the ladies’ trip to Canada, the penguins that will be in attendance aren’t exactly geographically accurate. Don’t let PETA here about this.

HUGGING IT OUT

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Truce

By Karen Malmquist

SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE THE BRAVO OFFICES, the network exec who forced us all to deal with a two episode-long commercial for LA Shrinks is giving himself a huge bonus after seeing everyone finally get along on Real Housewives of New Jersey.

On the latest episode, Dr. V gathers Teresa, her brother Joe, and Melissa on the couch in Lake George, and they’re being forced to pour their hearts out to each other. Teresa cries and squeals as she explains to her brother that she doesn’t just want to fix things with him —she needs to fix things with Melissa.

Melissa, wiping the impatience off her face, says she’s willing to meet Teresa halfway. Teresa starts crying again, and her voice goes up about eight octaves as she tells Melissa that, “I love you. I’m serious.” There’s no way of telling when Dr. V shows emotion, but based on her lip-pursing and slow, thoughtful nodding, she’s very pleased with the work she’s done… and the check she’s getting out of this.

ROUND UP!

Friday Mood Music & A Roundup Of Must-Read Stories

GOOD FRI-AWW DAY, FOLKS! It’s almost lunchtime, which means production for the week is gearing down. Collect that pay stub and head out to lunch, but not before listening to Robin Thicke jammin’ with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots on Blurred Lines. It just barely beats out Fallon’s Chef Dominique Ansel’s Wednesday night cooking demonstration of his much-applauded “cronuts”. Consider the song audio confection: a sweet midday pick-me-up that’ll make you skip your way out to lunch.

There’s lots of interesting news today — but there’s only one of me, so I’m going to link to a few intriguing stories that caught my attention while traveling the internets. Check them out.