WE’LL ALWAYS ‘MEMBA’ STARS

‘Fame’ Study Shows We’ll Never Be Free Of Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian

IT MAY BE TIME TO TOSS THE ADAGE THAT FAME IS FLEETING. A new study found that fame “exhibits strong continuity even in entertainment, on television, and on blogs, where it has been thought to be most ephemeral.”

Sociologists who culled names of famous from newspaper archives found that “96 per cent of the people whose names were mentioned over 100 times in a year also written about at least three years before and would likely be written about in the next three years as well.”

LOADED

By Elizabeth C.

WHAT’S SEAN PENN’S HAITI FRIENDS GOING TO THINK ABOUT THIS?

The son of the notoriously hotheaded actor is apologizing after unleashing a litany of hateful slurs — including fa**ot and the awful ‘N’ word — on a paparazzo who was snapping photos of the actor while entering a Beverly Hills building.

The 19-year-old seems to push the shooter after he had the audacity to shoot Penn Sr. Penn ignored the pap but then Hopper rushed over from across the street, appeared to push the cameraman and began spewing vulgarities!! And it was all caught on tape.

SAY IT ISN’T SO

Ryan Gosling Breaks Hearts By Planning Break From Acting

By Elizabeth C.

A SAD MIX-UP HAS OCCURRED in letters sent from La La Land’s Office Of The Overexposed: Ryan Gosling mistakenly intercepted a communiqué intended for Beyonce.

America’s first democratically elected “Sexiest Man Alive” has announced that he’s taking a break from acting because he wants a “break” from himself.

“’ve been doing [acting] too much,’ the Gangster Squad actor told the Associated Press.

Gwyneth’s Goopy Food Mantra: ‘No Carbs’ For Kids

By Alex Stedman

IF GWYNETH PALTROW WANTS TO PUT HERSELF on a strict diet and write a gluten-free, sugar-free cookbook, that’s fine. However, when she deprives her children of chocolate and cookies, well, that’s when many feel the need to step in.

Apparently, the story goes that Gywneth felt light-headed one day and thought she was having a stroke, which only turned out to be a panic attack. What most would call a mild overreaction triggered an epiphany for her, as she decided to cut out coffee, alcohol, dairy, eggs, sugar, shellfish, deep-water fish, wheat, meat, soy and processed foods from her diet. She also appears to have put her husband, Coldplay’s Chris Martin and her children, Apple, 8, and Moses, 6, on the same diet.

JUST A COUPLE OF CRAZY KIDS

On The Bright Side, Miley & Liam’s Love Lasted Longer Than Kim Kardashian’s Marriage

By Elizabeth C.

WHILE THE GOSSIP WORLD FAKE-MOURNS THE MELTDOWN OF MILEY CYRUS’ ENGAGEMENT TO LIAM HEMSWORTH, we admit to being impressed and relieved — in that order.

Page Six confirms what everybody’s been thinking since the Hunger Games hunk was seen stepping out with January Jones on Oscar night: the three-year relationship between the two young stars is kaput. At issue allegedly was his wandering eye and her partying.

“Miley and Liam are done; it’s over,” a source told the New York Post. “She likes to party really hard and can be pretty wild. It became a problem for him.”

CAN SECRETS BE BORING?

‘Secret Files’ Site Reveals Alleged Addresses, Credit Records of Celebrity High Fliers

By Elizabeth C.

BECAUSE I COVER THE NEWS IN BLOGGING FORMAT, it was my duty to check out the website linking to alleged personal information on a baker’s dozen of high-profile personalities.

The domain headlined “The Secret Files,” carried Russia’s “SU” suffix and showed a demonic child putting a finger to her lips. The tagline: “If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve.” An Illuminati reference perhaps?

The hacker’s hit list was a who’s who of the high profile: Beyonce, Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Donald Trump, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck.

Haters Gonna Hate

Smug Haters Can’t Spoil Holly Madison’s ‘Rainbow’

By Alex Stedman

BABY NAMING ISN’T ALL HAPPINESS AND RAINBOWS. Unless, that is, you’re Holly Madison.

The 33-year-old former Playboy bunny gave birth to her daughter with fiancé Pasquela Rotella Tuesday. She then followed the all-too common trend of giving her daughter an extremely bizarre (even for Hollywood’s standards) name: Rainbow Aurora. Awwww?

BAD DAY

Justin Bieber’s Bi-Polar 24 Hours: Faints At Concert, Recovers On Joplin, Curses Out Paparazzo

By Jacob Wittich

JUSTIN BIEBER IS RECOVERING AFTER COLLAPSING BACKSTAGE at his Thursday concert at London’s O2 arena.

“Getting better,” Bieber later posted on Twitter. “Thanks for everyone pulling me thru tonight. Best fans in the world. Figuring out what happened. Thanks for the love.” He also generously shared a photo on Instagram of him reclining in the hospital bed with the note: “Gettin better listening to Janice [sic] Joplin.”

TMZ reported that Bieber felt woozy during his set and collapsed backstage, where he was treated with oxygen.

ROUND TWO

Demi Moore Wants Some Of Ashton Kutcher’s Yummy Money

By Elizabeth C.

NOW OVER HER HEARTBREAK FROM HER PAINFUL SPLIT FROM THAT USER ASHTON KUTCHER, DEMI MOORE now wants TV’s highest paying actor to repay her with some of his yummy yummy money.

It’s been 17 months since Demi announced she was ending her marriage to Kutcher following his wedding anniversary tryst with party girl Sara Leal. Nice guy that he is, Kutcher finally filed divorce papers four days before Christmas 2012.

CAUTION: BABY ON BOARD

Jet-Setting Kim Kardashian Ordered To Slow Down After Pregnancy Scare

By Alex Stedman

KIM KARDASHIAN GOT A BIG PREGNANCY SCARE TUESDAY, but not to worry: Little Kimye is okay.

According to the New York Post’s Page Six, Kardashian was feeling ill and had stomach pains upon her return to Los Angeles from Paris and was rushed to the doctor in tears, fearing a miscarriage. Kim has been silent since the incident, but Khloe Kardashian wrote on her blog to address concerns: