MEAL TICKET

Usher’s Freaking Out About Ex-Wife’s Reality Show?

By Miz J

USHER IS FREAKIN’ OUT, YOU GUYS.

Turns out the mega-watt singer, currently judging on The Voice, isn’t happy that his ex-wife, Tameka Foster, is in talks with VH1 to star in an Atlanta-based version of Hollywood Exes. If you remember, the two had a difficult divorce, fighting over custody of their children, who got what house, followed by Tameka losing her eldest son (from a previous marriage) in a tragic water skiing accident.

“Usher and Tameka don’t get along, and he knows she’ll be happy to talk about his personal life so that she can become the star of the show,” a source blabs to RadarOnline.

ACCUSED OF BANK FRAUD

Teresa & Joe Guidice Facing Fate Much Worse Than Wrath Of Caroline Manzo

By Karen Malmquist

CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR TERESA EXPLAIN THIS ONE!

The Guidices are facing up to 50 years in prison if convicted of a long, long, long list of criminal charges.

It isn’t the first time this couple have faced legal problems. Hell, not too long ago, Joe faced 10 years in jail for using his brother’s ID to obtain a driver’s license.

Now, the couple’s got 39 counts of fraud against them.

Although neither of them seem fully capable of forming a complete sentence, the Giudices are accused of withholding information about their net worth in 2009, when they filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. They also managed to “illegally obtain mortgages and other loans from multiple banks by intentionally overestimating their incomes in order to get more money,” according to TMZ.

COOKED

New York’s Having A Weiner Roast

By Elizabeth Coady

NEW YORK CITY IS THROWING ITSELF A SPECTACULAR SUMMER WEINER ROAST and a schleppy former Congressman is the dog getting cooked.

Anthony Weiner, a Democratic candidate for the New York City’s mayoral race, has been outed a second time for sexting pictures of his penis to women he met on the web. The 48-year-old is evidently proud of stuffed skin; why else would he keep showing it off?

HEIR TO THE THRONE

What The Heavens Herald For The New Royal Baby

By Elizabeth Coady

THE ROYAL BABY’S ON NEARLY HERE! And the 1,000-year-old fairy tale continues.

Clarence House tweeted official word early this a.m. that the Duchess of Cambridge is in labor. Katherine Middleton was accompanied to St. Mary’s Hospital by her hubby, Prince William, about 5:45 this morning.

“Things are progressing as normal,” a Palace spokesman says.

Assuming that the wee one arrives healthy, with two eyes, 10 toes and 10 fingers, he or she will instantly wield power on the international stage. Paparazzi will vie for the most adorable shot, the clearest close-up, eventually the most tempestuous tantrum. No luxury will be out of reach, but as a member of the modern monarchy he or she will live “less like Marie Antoinette and more like Madonna’s kids.”

‘ANONYMOUS VS. ANONYMOUS’

New York Post

Liza Ghorbani: From Rock Star Reporter To Rock Star’s Baby Mama

By Elizabeth Coady

SHE WAS A ROCK STAR REPORTER, COVERING CELEBRITIES FOR high-profile publications like the New York Times and Rolling Stone. Now she’s reportedly a rock star’s baby mama.

New York media has outed Liza Ghorbani is the “anonymous” plaintiff who filed suit in Manhattan Family Court seeking $3 million from former Oasis member Liam Gallagher. The journalist and the rocker met when Ghorbani was assigned to hang out with Gallagher for a now-defunct NYT’s feature, “A Night Out With …”

“Was he her Wonderwall,” cracks the New York Daily News, alluding to the “hottest single of the last 20 years.

The New York Post broke the story yesterday. Now today The Guardian reports that Gallagher intends to sue the Post for revealing that he’s the alleged father.

‘LUCK’ RAN OUT

KTLA

Jury Rules ‘TheDirty’ Defamed Ex-Bengals Cheerleader

By Elizabeth Coady

A N AUTOPSY IS PLANNED FOR MONDAY ON THE BODY OF CORY MONTEITH, Glee‘s resident do-good heartthrob.

Monteith, 31, was found dead inside his room at the Fairmont Pacific Rim hotel in downtown Vancouver. His body was found by hotel employees after he failed to check out.

‘CONTEXT’ IS CONTAGIOUS

A Glittertastic Beyonce Sparkles For Flaunt Magazine

By Elizabeth Coady

FLAUNT BAPTIZES BEYONCE IN GLITTER FOR THE MAGAZINE’S JULY REBIRTH, delivering unto us the eighth wonder of the world.

“Bow down,” the “avante garde” magazine commands.

‘FUK YOU’

TMZ

God, Er, Yeezus, Um, Kanye Has A Message For ‘Black Skinhead’ Leaker

By Miz J

KIM’S BABY DADDY KANYE IS reeling from the unauthorized release of his unfinished music video for Black Skinhead, off his “one truly dark, envelope-pushing, brilliant-ass album.

‘WILD KIDZ’

TMZ

Pssss-t? Wanna Watch Justin Bieber Pee In A Bucket?

By Miz J

IN CASE YOU THOUGHT Justin Bieber had ANY redeeming qualities, TMZ has provided a video to dissuade you from that line of thinking.

Turns out that while dining in NYC earlier this year, Bieber decided not to play the “don’t you know who I am?” card in exchange for cutting the bathroom line, choosing to piss in a cleaning bucket instead.

“But wait,” I hear the faint voice of a true Belieber in the back, “maybe his droopy-crotch pants just make it LOOK like he’s peeing.”

DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE?

What The Critics Are Saying About Jay-Z’s ‘Magna Carta Holy Grail’

By Elizabeth Coady

JAY-Z’S JUST-RELEASED 12TH STUDIO ALBUM Magna Carta Holy Grail is triggering the usual outpouring of press for hip hop’s impresario of swagger. Yet through the din comes different opinions about the album’s artistic quality.

The Hov and his Mrs. hosted an album release party late Wednesday night for 500 friends, business associates and hangers-on at Brooklyn’s Liberty Warehouse. The new album officially goes on sale July 9 but one million copies were given away early Thursday on a glitchy mobile phone app for the Samsung Galaxy, marking the first time that an album went platinum before its official release.

Here’s a sampling of what critics are saying: