A HOARY MYSTERY
Bigfoot Lives! Scientist Claims Unknown Hairy Thing Did The Nasty With Human Females 15,000 Years Ago
THE HULKING HAIRY HOMINID BIGFOOT isn’t just a figment of our collective imagination — so claims Dr. Melba S. Ketchum, director of DNA Diagnostics located somewhere in Texas.
Ketchum is catching a wave of press after DNA Diagnostics released a press release claiming a 5-year study confirmed the existence of a human hybrid.
“Our data indicate that the North American Sasquatch is a hybrid species, the result of males of an unknown hominin species crossing with female Homo sapiens,” Ketchum said in a press release. Translated, that means some ape-like beast did the dirty with females of the human species an estimated 15,000 years ago. Ketchum claims that before her study, she
did not believe in these creatures” herself.
Thirteen laboratories were involved in the testing of 109 samples of hair, tissue, blood and saliva, and notably, the research was funded in part by the North America Bigfoot Research, according to Montana’s Missoulan. As a result, Ketchum’s team was able to “obtain 3 whole nuclear genomes” that led her to conclude that “Sasquatch nuDNA is a novel, unknown hominin related to Homo sapiens and other primate species.”
Naturally, reporters across the country have been busy collecting quotes from those who support or snigger at Ketchum’s claims, often because the research has yet to be peer-reviewed by an academic journal.
Robin Lynne, who’s handling media for Ketchum, said the paper is currently being reviewed but refused to identify by whom. “That is a massive red flag,” Houston Chronicle science blogger Eric Berger told the International Business Times. “Real research scientists almost never pre-announce their research findings….In effect she is using the mantle of science to confer credibility on her discovery, without actually deserving the credibility.”
But Jeff Meldrum, a professor of anatomy and anthropology at Idaho State University, believes that our modern Sasquatch is a relative of the Gigantopithecus that emigrated from East Asia into North America.
“It’s not a matter of belief or wishful thinking — it’s a matter of the preponderance of the evidence, be it eyewitness accounts, footprints or hair that defies identification or attribution to known species,” Meldrum told The Huffington Post.
Stay tuned. And keep your camera handy if you’re hiking in the woods.
